His first recorded request is not, “Hey baby, let’s get it on!” No, he asks her to go away with him, and in so doing gives her the message that he wants some time with her all to himself. He wants to be with her, away from people, pressures and interruptions, to enjoy the beauty of the spring countryside with her.

Most wives love to be alone with their husbands—especially when they know that you are just as excited about it as they are. They long to know that their company is all you need to be happy, and that you like nothing better than spending time with them. What you do is not of first importance—what is essential is that you are together. Some women are especially desirous of “quality time” with their husbands. If your wife is one of those women, and if you are a man who bears a lot of responsibility and who is easily distracted by worry, you especially need to follow the example of the husband here in the Song as he initiates to have undistracted time alone with his wife.

Let’s gain additional insight into the wife’s desire for companionship as she requests a romantic getaway:

Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside,
let us spend the night in the villages.
Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded,
if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
there I will give you my love. (Song of Songs 7:11–12) 

Does this sound like a boring bird-watching trip or shopping expedition? Read on. The invitation ends with her saying: “There I will give you my love.” Now we’re talking!

Here is how it works: in the privacy of a country retreat, your wife will be able let her worries drift away. She will be able to put aside her concerns for the kids, the house, her to-do list, her job and her friends. She will be able to relax, enjoy herself and give you herself and her body without distraction and without reserve. So are you making reservations for the Bed and Breakfast yet?

But let’s note one other important detail: the husband, when he extended his invitation, did not say, as she did, “Let’s go away to make love.” He tactfully and wisely left that out. Are we learning anything, guys?

Your wife wants to know that she is close to you and valued by you as a person, for who she is, and not just for giving you sexual release and pleasure. Really, isn’t this a more godly way to look at sex? Because the male sex drive is usually more inflammable than that of women, men must take care or we can become more focused on sex than on our friendship with our wives. Men might have to make an effort to think about what women instinctively dwell upon. And while God purposefully designed the male gender with stronger passion, he never intended sexuality to overshadow the relationship of love and companionship.

So men, here is your wife’s motto:

This is my lover, this my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

She must have you as friend and lover. “Lover” alone won’t cut it. Be her best friend. Then, and only then, can you also be her exciting lover. [3]

[1] 4:8–12; 5:1

[2] 1:9, 15; 2:2, 10, 13; 4:1, 7; 5:2; 6:4

[3] We have mentioned some important ways to make our wives feel loved, but we have not exhausted the subject. Study your wife and learn just what it is that makes her feel secure and special. A recommended book on coming to understand your wife’s needs is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, (Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 1995).

Taken from The Five Senses of Romance by Sam Laing (Discipleship Publications International). (c) 2008 by Discipleship Publications International. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

Known for his spiritual wisdom and insight, Sam Laing has ministered to people for more than thirty-five years both in the US and abroad. He is the author of numerous books including Be Still My Soul, the Guilty Soul's Guide to Grace and Friends and Lovers. He and his wife, Geri, have a passion to help others find the joy and meaning that they have found in their marriage. They live in Georgia where Sam is a teacher and an evangelist with the Athen's Church of Christ.