•       First of all, it is normally the case that each person has validity to their perspective.  One person, however, has to take the first step in acknowledging the validity in the other person’s side.  A husband can lead his wife in a servant-like way by taking the first step in seeing things from the other person’s perspective.  This is something that takes a lot of humility.  It also goes against the grain of a man’s competitive nature.  But we have not been called to win; we have been called to die.  And consider God’s wisdom in calling us to do so, for once we approach our spouse in humility it often opens the door to a much quicker resolution.

  •       In other instances, our spouse might not have validity in her position because they have misunderstood us or because we have miscommunicated.  Sometimes our response in such a situation is to respond angrily, “But that’s not what I said!”, or, “But that’s not what I meant!”  But the husband who leads his wife by serving her and seeking her good above his own might say instead, “Honey, I can see why you thought that.  I’m very sorry for the pain that I caused.  Can I explain what I really meant?”

2. Dying to our pride in seeking help – Pastors and Christian counselors will tell you that when there is a problem in the marriage, it is usually the wife who will be the one to make contact for help.  Men, this is not the way that it should be!  If we are to lead our wives by serving them, then we need to be the ones who take the lead in making sure that our marriages are strong and healthy, even if that means swallowing our foolish male egos and contacting our pastor or a Christian counselor for help!

3. Dying to self in the little, day-to-day things of life – Dying for our spouse is not always some big and grandiose event.  It often shows itself in the simple things: going grocery shopping for or with our wives; picking up after ourselves; going on dates with her interests in mind; watching the children and letting her go out with her girlfriends.  These may seem like little things at first glance, but they let our wives know that we love them so much that we desire their good above our own.


Husbands, may we be men who look to Jesus as our example for loving our bride and “giving up ourselves” for her.  May we be men who seek His power and strength to love our brides well!

© 2003 Christian Family Life


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