3. Work on keeping communication completely open. Creating an open line of communication, where fears and concerns are expressed, offering safety. Guard against pathologizing insecurity, but rather agree to have an open attitude. It is quite likely that this open forum for fears and concerns will dissipate his anxieties.

4.  Allow for an opportunity for him to feel and heal old wounds. If he does have old wounds, perhaps a previous relationship filled with unfaithfulness, he needs to grieve those losses. He needs to feel safe in sharing about his feelings of betrayal and grieve them. You may be the person who can minister God's healing love to him.

5. Create an atmosphere of security, trust and love. Agree together that rather than creating an atmosphere of distrust and insecurity, you long to create an atmosphere of love and security. Reassure him you're your intent is create a relationship where he feels completely loved and secure and are dedicated to that end. "Mature love casts out fear." (1 John 4:18) Strive to develop mature love, filled with affection and appreciation. This will be a strong antidote to insecurity.

6. Embrace healthy attachment. Seek ways to reassure your mate that you are attached to them. Explore ways to spend quality time together. As you spend quality time together, attachment grows. Understand that threats to your attachment should create anxiety. Note any anxiety as a warning sign, seeking to correct threats to your attachment to each other.

If you are experiencing jealousy in your marriage, let me know how you have overcome it. 

September 28, 2009


Dr. Hawkins is the director of the Marriage Recover Center where he counsels couples in distress. He is the author of over 30 books, including When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You, Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage, and Saying It So He'll Listen. His newest books are titled  The Relationship Doctor's Prescription for Healing a Hurting Relationship and  The Relationship Doctor's Prescription for Living Beyond Guilt.  Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington