Even the greatest athlete benefits from coaching. Though I realize that husbands reading this likely are already awesome, I offer these tips as a marriage coach. Use them to go from great to glorious in seven easy steps.

TIP 1: Do Not Talk To Her As If She Is One of The Guys.

Listen to guy buddies talk about anything for more than five minutes and you likely will hear one of them let the other know that he is an idiot. When men talk with their male friends, they tend to be direct or even argumentative. They share their opinions freely and bluntly. They jokingly insult each other. They blast anything the other guy says that they do not like or agree with. They rarely stop to think, “Am I being insensitive? Could I possibly be hurting his feelings?” The guy code is to let the chips fall where they may.

Women are NOT like that.

If a husband talks with his wife in the same manner he talks with his buddies, his directness, bluntness, or argumentativeness may well cause her to feel disrespected or controlled. He thinks he is being honest and forthright. She feels he is being a jerk.

If you really want to be a better husband, understand that women speak a different language. Unless you learn to speak that language, you will never communicate on the deeper levels with her.

TIP 2: Make Sure That She Does Not Perceive You As Controlling.

The most common complaint we hear from women in our workshops for marriages in crisis is that their husbands try to control them. Interestingly, the husband usually counters with his view that she is the controlling one.

Eyes open and behavior changes only when each person realizes that his or her motive is NOT the most important thing; it is what the other person perceives that matters. In marriages in which the man actually is controlling, he typically has no clue that he is because that is not his conscious intent. By speaking his mind, criticizing her when she does not comply with his thinking, and arguing with her to get his point across, he believes he is treating her well. There is no motive to hurt. He may actually believe his intent is to help.

Many wives finally give up and give in when that happens. The husband may think he convinced her to view things his way. Most of the time, it is anything but that. Tired of the conflict and feeling she is being treated as an inferior, she yields simply to stop the conflict. That builds resentment within her and with time, resentment detonates. In a non-published survey of married couples done in 2008, 21% of wives stated that their satisfaction with their husbands as a mate had decreased because he is controlling, disrespectful, and argues. 

To make sure your wife does NOT feel that you control her, concentrate on her feelings about what you say and do. If she genuinely feels that you treat her as your equal, you are doing it correctly.

TIP 3: Romance Is What She Really Wants.

In the same survey referred to above, 27% of wives stated that their level of sexual satisfaction had decreased because their husbands were not romantic, and that sex had become routine and boring. 

While humans – both male and female – have need for sexual fulfillment, it appears that men may be more satisfied by the frequency of sex, but women may be more satisfied by the emotional relationship in sex. To be a better husband, think about becoming a Don Juan for your wife. Court her. Think of new and different scenarios that PRECEDE your sexual interaction. Make her feel wonderful about herself and make sex exciting not just by technique, but also by touching her heart first.

TIP 4: Listening Is The Key To Her Heart.

Few people – men or women – feel that anyone truly listens to them. If you wish to change the way your wife perceives you, increase her sexual satisfaction, and become in her mind the best man on earth, listen to her.