When men get real with the rawness in their lives, they invite others to share their wounds. They realize they aren’t alone. But in order to find teammates, someone has to step up and pull back the curtain. Be brave. Share your scars first.

Right now you’re thinking, Brian, I can hear my wife say,“Oh, yeah, so the book tells you to have another guys’ night out!”

The reason your wife doesn’t like guys’ night out is because you go to a bar and talk sports with your buddies. Nothing wrong with that every now and again, but “and” guys get together and talk about scars. Here’s a quick comparison between buddies and “and” guys:


  • Get together and watch sports
  • Encourage you to wife bash
  • Say you deserve better
  • Magnify your wife’s weaknesses
  • Help you crave vindication for wounds
  • Gawk at other women   

“And” Guys

  • Get together and share scars
  • Encourage you to beautify your wife
  • Encourage you to sacrifice
  • Guard your eyes against other women
  • Magnify your wife’s strengths
  • Help you crave victory despite your wounds

Find some “and” guys in your life and your wife will help you schedule the next guys’ night out.

Brian Goin's home base is in Charlotte, NC where he serves as lead pastor for Renaissance Bible Church. He enjoys traveling and speaking to couples at Family Life's Weekend to Remember conferences with Jennifer, his bride and mother of their three children (Brantley, Palmer, and Gibson). He's written numerous study guides, workbooks, and Bible studies that he has developed for Insight for Living and Walk Thru the Bible. For more information visit www.playinghurt.org/.