Maybe He Needs a ‘Boost’

With age, comes inevitable loss. Loss of (or decreasing) memory, loss of energy, loss of hair, decreasing metabolism, and – for men, especially – decreasing testosterone levels. It’s just a fact. A man’s sexual drive decreases as he ages. So in many ways, the roles reverse as we get older. He initiated back when you first got married, back when you needed a long time to warm up and get in the mood. Now that his testosterone level has decreased, he may be the one who needs help with the “warm up.” That’s where you come in.

Remember the days you thought long and hard about what to wear, how to do your hair, even what to say when you were around him? You wanted to make the best impression on him so he would ask you out again. Deep inside, you wanted him to love you for who you are. But first he needed to fall in love with what he saw.

As one marriage and family therapist says: “When we’re dating, we’re flirty. We do our hair all cute and wear cute clothes. We are appealing to their sexual desire. But when we get married, we resent their sexual desire. We expect them to just love us for who we are inside.”

Well of course our husbands should love us for who we are inside. But they are still very visually-oriented when it comes to their sexual drive. Males are naturally attracted to the beauty, softness, and sex appeal of females. So be the woman he loves to look at just as much as you once were. And be the woman he enjoyed spending time with,  just like you were when the two of you were dating. Chances are you behaved much differently toward him when you were dating than you do now, a few or several years into marriage.

You can once again be the woman your husband fell in love with by asking him what three qualities about you attracted him the most when you first met or married. Then, write those three things down, pray about them, and seek to incorporate those qualities into your life. Think of practical ways to focus on those three on a daily basis so you remember (and apply) what first attracted him to you.

Next week: The ABC’s of Being Irresistible in Your Husband’s Eyes

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and the author of several books including When Couples Walk Together, Women on the Edge, and When a Woman Inspires Her Husband, from which this article is based. As a pastor’s wife and Bible teacher, Cindi’s passion is to help women find strength for the soul through a deeper intimacy with Christ. For some free resources and other materials to strengthen your marriage and your soul,  see