Fourth, make time for your mate. With all the busyness and distractions of life, make an intentional effort to be with your mate. There is no alternative to quality time, spent laughing, sharing, relating to one another. This time creates a strong bond; the foundation of attachment.

Fifth, make repairs to your relationship quickly. When you fight, which you will do, apologize quickly. Acknowledge your wrongdoing and set things right. Admit failures. Share the sadness you feel about the disconnection in your relationship, vowing to improve your dance with each other. As the Apostle Paul says in the "Love Chapter" in the Bible, "Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." (I Corinthians 13: 4-5)

Finally, set your sights high. Dream big romantically. Let your mate know that you want a deep, long-lasting, powerful connection with them.  Commit to paying close attention to the connection, spending time cultivating a trusting, caring and safe relationship. In this strong, abiding connection you will both feel safe and secure, never wanting anything but what your mate alone can offer you.

Feel free to email me at for more information, and read about The Marriage Recovery Center on my website,

Originally published February 3, 2011

Dr. David Hawkins is the director of the Marriage Recover Center where he counsels couples in distress. He is the author of over 30 books, including 90 Days to a Fantastic Marriage, Dealing With the CrazyMakers in Your Life, and Saying It So He'll Listen. Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.