Speak your Spouse's "Love Language" this Valentine's Day
- Thursday, February 10, 2005
Valentine's Day. The day you get to tell your spouse how much he or she means to you. Husbands, before you run out to pick up your Hallmark card or that beautiful heart-shaped diamond necklace advertised on television, let me give you some clues about speaking her love language.
I recently surveyed over 150 moms about what they really wanted for Valentine's Day. I found their responses honest, practical, and heartwarming. Quite frankly most were very inexpensive. They didn't cost much in the way of dollars and cents, however they did require a bit of time, effort, and energy.
When expressing love, it's important that we don't forget that we are each made differently. Our languages of love are spoken in a variety of ways. According to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, there are several different ways that love can be communicated: Gift Giving, Acts of Service, Physical Touch and Closeness, Encouraging Words, and Quality Time. Before you decide what you will give your spouse for Valentine's Day, you need to consider what his or her love language is.
Below you will find some of the responses I received when I asked moms, "What do you really want for Valentine's Day?" I've divided the responses by love languages. See if any of these simple expressions would speak love to you or your spouse.
"What I would most appreciate for Valentine's Day is a card with an additional note that my husband has written expressing just what our love means to him."
"I would love for my husband to give me the gift of sleeping in one morning."
"I'd love a big bow around our recliner topped with a fuzzy new blanket and a sign that says 'Reserved for Mom'!"
"I'd love to be treated to a day at the spa or even just a massage or spa pedicure would be great!"
"I'd love my husband to give me a day of shopping with a friend -- no kids!"
"My favorite gifts are handmade cards from my children (which may require a little coaxing from my husband). I also love it when he takes the time to shop with them and lets them pick out little gifts like my favorite candy bar, a candle, a flower, or something else they think I'd like."
"I'd love a small bouquet of flowers that are the same flowers that were in my wedding bouquet. Actually any wedding remembrance, like a framed copy of our wedding program or one of our casual wedding pictures framed."
"Some of the best gifts my husband gives to me is his listening heart, his laughter at my attempts at humor, and when he prays with me."
"I wish my husband would send me to a Hearts at Home conference (www.hearts-at-home.org) without me begging him to take care of the kids."
Acts of Service
"I love it when my husband does anything 'above and beyond' what he normally does to pitch in with responsibilities in the home. That might include fixing breakfast for the family, packing lunches, making the bed, doing any of the carpooling, taking care of dinner, etc. "
"...finish the bathtub project in the 2nd bathroom that was started 6 years ago so we can use the shower in there..."
"My Valentine wish would be for a nice dinner at home that I wouldn't have to prepare."
"The greatest gift for me is a gift of his initiative to make a romantic gesture like suggesting the kids go to bed early and telling me he'll pick up dinner on the way home."
Physical Touch and Closeness
"A fire in the fireplace, a good book, a BIG bowl of popcorn, hot chocolate with marshmallows, my husband reading nearby, and the kids somewhere else."
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