4.  What to wear? Ladies, you might be put at ease if the moms (step/bio/future in-law) know what each other is wearing ahead of time. As the stepmom I would tend to stay in the background unless otherwise asked.

Bottom line: It's not about you!  It's about your child.  Your children's weddings should be one of the happiest days of their lives. Remember, you are the adult.  You may have to "suck it up" for a little while, but aren't your kids worth it? They will appreciate it in the end.

My (Gil) oldest son got married 2 months after Brenda and me. Although Brenda wasn't invited to the wedding, we both agreed I needed to be there.  As the Father of the Groom and Stepfather of the Groom (at my new son's wedding), I took a posture of serving my "son" any way I could.  They were excited and stressed at the same time.  I felt like a guest and a member of the family simultaneously.  I chose to keep things light-hearted. I encouraged them privately, with a special memory about them and there was laughter. 

Reflections of that day with concerns of their own family being splintered can be overcome by a father/stepfather who remains steady.  Anticipate a moment where a reassuring word will need to calm innuendos of their family's great train wreck (the divorce).

Remember, as the parents, and husband and wife to each other, watch each other's back during these family events. Support one another and don't underestimate the conflicting feelings that you may experience. The marriage you have now should be an inspiration to your kids and the legacy you will leave.

Originally posted May 25, 2010


Gil and Brenda live in Vancouver, Washington. They have 7 children between them, ages 18-29. Gil graduated from Bethany Bible College; he currently is an insurance broker and active in the community with marriage and family issues. Brenda was on staff as Children's Pastor of their church and now works with a youth development organization and is involved with marriage and family initiatives.

Gil and Brenda deliver a fresh style of encouragement to this ever-growing population in society— the blended family. Willing to speak the obvious from their own step family adventure, the Stuarts share heart to heart as they walk the walk. Their book, Restored and Remarried was recently released along with their 8 week workbook. Gil and Brenda are available for seminars, workshops and retreats. Find them at www.restoredandremarried.com.