Another verse from Job came to me:  "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"  Job 2:10 (NIV)

New understanding flooded me.  If I praised God, if I claimed that God was good and just and kind when things were going well, then I needed to be able to say the same things when times were terrible.  If I only praised God when circumstances were good, what did that say about my faith

I began to sing again, my voice growing stronger despite the pain, the loss, the tears that still flowed unhindered down my cheeks.  And while I sang, I prayed not so much for comfort but for a faith that could share the pain of God Himself and come out stronger on the other side.

In time, as I went on in the years to come to face another miscarriage and another and another, until reaching six in all, I finally I began to see that suffering and sorrow are not the enemies I'd once thought, but are tools in the hands of a loving God to mold me into the woman He desires me to be.  I only need to keep seeking Him, pouring my pain and doubts before Him, and singing even when it's the last thing I want to do. 

Now, though I still grieve the loss of our children, I know that God used those young, brief lives for a purpose in His Kingdom.  I will never be the same.  Because of those children, my faith no longer is based on the ever-changing circumstances of my life but on the unchanging glory and wonder of God.  And now, through the window of deep suffering, I can see God more clearly, and I know that all things, even miscarriage, can be transformed in His hands.

Originally posted July 5, 2010

Marlo Schalesky lives with her family in Salinas, California. She's the author of eight books. Find out more about Marlo's books, including her latest novel Shades of Morning at  www.marloschalesky.com.  While there, check out the excerpt for Shades of Morning (www.marloschalesky.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/ShadesOfMorningSC1.pdf ), various interviews (www.marloschalesky.com/media/ ), and resources for the infertility journey (www.marloschalesky.com/resources/ ).  You can also connect with Marlo on her Facebook author page (www.facebook.com/MarloSchalesky) where the focus is on deeper living for everyday people.