The exciting reality about sexual intimacy is that God made us different to spice things up! And ultimately, those differences teach us about serving the other person. When we give our spouses what they need – not what we think they want or need – then we fulfill God’s design for sexual intimacy. And the reward is that together we experience true intimacy.

What we have to realize is that our different ways of approaching sexual intimacy are okay – and normal – because God made us different… on purpose. And that’s a good thing. We waste so much time and energy trying to shape our spouses into sexual clones of ourselves. Then we wonder why we’re frustrated and disappointed with our sex lives! So rather than growing frustrated and upset, taking it out on each other, walking away, and pouting, take those opportunities to accept that our approaches to intimacy are going to be different.

The reality is that we often want the same things. Our deepest desire, whether we’re male or female, is ultimately to become one. He wants intercourse; she wants intercourse. He may want physical intercourse more than she does, and she may want emotional intercourse more than he does, but when a couple can meld physical and emotional intercourse, they will find the pathway to greater intimacy.

Portions of this article were adapted from "The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women," Copyright 2006 by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights reserved.  Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,  To order this resource or to find our more about Dr. Gary and Barb – Your Marriage Coaches, visit or call 1-888-608-COACH. 

[i]  Michael Gurian, What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man’s Mind Really Works (St. Martin’s Press, 2004): 109. Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg, Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? (Three Rivers Press, a division of Random House, Inc, 2006)