Am I attempting to keep you from adopting? By no means. If the child isn't adopted, they may live their lives without the presence and structure of the family to give them guidance, wisdom, love, hugs, birthday celebrations, and everything else a family offers. But be prepared for what lies before you, and don't resort to thinking the adoption is a failure should the adopted child struggle through some pretty "heavy" issues in the teen years.

Adoption is a good thing, but it's not for everybody. If I can get those who wouldn't be good adoptive parent to choose not to adopt, then I have done a good thing by sharing these concerns. If they choose to go ahead and adopt, then I have also done a good thing by making them aware that issues might arise that they should be prepared to handle.

If you are considering adopting, pray about it, seek counsel, ask for honest answers to the difficult questions, and don't get caught up in it as the "Christian thing" to do. By all means, don't rush into it. Talk to people whose adoptions have gone well, and those whose have not gone well. Ask questions. Listen wisely. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."  

If adoption is right for you, then pursue it with abandon. But if it's not, don't hesitate to say so, and know that God has another plan for you, for the child, and for your family's life. Make sure each spouse and any remaining children in the family are fully on board, not just going along with it. Make sure that what you're doing is the right thing to do… for youfor your family and for your marriage.  Because if it's the wrong thing to do, the child and your family will both pay a great price (and I'm not just talking about money).

If you've already adopted, embrace that which is before you and know that God has not abandoned you if things aren't working the way you want them to. I guarantee that He is involved. Remember, any issue that does arise, can be worked through, dealt with, and resolved. You can get on the other side, whether that is a change in your child's behavior and issues, your issues that you brought into the adoption, or the way that you view those issues that have landed on your doorstep. It's merely a new test, a new challenge, and a new opportunity for change in the lives of all involved. 

There is hope. There are answers.

November 19, 2010

If you have an adoption story you'd like to share with me and possibly our readers, please email me at If you are struggling, please don't hesitate to call (903-668-2173). I can help you through these issues.

To read more about this subject…download Mark's complimentary 46-page e-book titled, A Look at Adoption from the Other Side. Pass it on to a friend who is considering adopting. DOWNLOAD FREE HERE (WORD or PDF) >> (or go to

About the author: Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, national radio host, and the founder of Heartlight, a residential counseling opportunity for struggling adolescents, where he lives with 50 high schoolers.