How to Raise Kids Who Stand Up for Their Beliefs
- Tuesday, July 16, 2002
Author of Building Moral Intelligence:
The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing
We might as well call the close of Americas twentieth century the "Decade of Moral Erosion." Think about it: The Internet became scarier; TV featured more casual sex and vulgarity; video games became even cruder; music lyrics were ruder; movies were often steamier and always more violent. And if that isnt enough, data shows peer pressure became even fiercer. A recent Time/Nickelodeon survey of 991 kids ages nine to fourteen revealed some troubling facts: 36 percent of the middle schoolers surveyed feel the pressure from peers to smoke marijuana; 40 percent feel pressure to have sex; 36 percent feel pressure to shoplift; and four out of 10 sixth graders feel pressure to drink.
These really are scary times to raise kids. What can you do to help your kids counter negative influences and stand up for what they know is right? The answer is to nurture a solid moral core that will guide them to stand up for their beliefs and act right without us. And the best news is that we can teach kids the core virtues and skills of strong character and moral courage and can begin when they are toddlers. Here are seven parenting tips you can use to help your kids stand up for their beliefs, buck negative peer pressure, and live their lives guided by integrity. Just remember: its never too late -- or early -- to start.
Seven Tips to Help Kids Stand Up for Their Moral Beliefs
1. Know What You Stand for So Your Kid Knows. Parents with clearly identified moral convictions are more likely to raise good kids. Because their kids know what their parents stand for and why they do, their kids are more likely to adopt their parents' beliefs. So begin by asking yourself what virtues and moral beliefs matter most to you. Make a list, then narrow them to your top three. These will become your personal moral code and guide you in how you will raise your child. Its also the best way to help your child develop his own moral beliefs. Here are five quick questions to gauge how well youre parenting solid moral beliefs in your child:
____ You can quickly name the 3-5 virtues you want most for your child to acquire.
____ Your child could name the virtues you believe in most without prompting.
____ You reinforce your child whenever he shows your selected virtues in his behavior.
____ Your child can clearly see your chosen virtues in your daily behavior.
____ You use those virtues as your day to day code of ethical behavior and family living.
2. Walk Your Talk. One great question to yourself ask each day is: :If I were the only example my child had to learn moral habits, what did she learn today from watching me?" The answer can be quite revealing. By watching your choices and hearing your casual comments, kids learn our moral standards. Make sure the moral behaviors your kids are picking up on are ones that you want your kids to copy. How many of these messages apply to you? Do you...
____ Eat a "sample" from a stores candy bin in front of your child without paying?
____ Buy a ticket for a "child under twelve" even though your child is older?
____ Drive faster than the speed limit with your child as a passenger?
____ Tell your child to say youre not there when your boss calls?
____ Do the majority of your childs work on a school project, but have him sign his name?
3. Share Your Moral Beliefs and Take Stands. Speaking frequently to your child about values and is called direct moral teaching. Parents who raise ethical kids do it a lot. So look for moral issues and talk about them as they come up: from TV shows and news events to situations at home, school, and friends. Tell your kids how you feel about the issue and why. Share examples of morally courageous heroes such as Rosa Parks, Pee Wee Reece, Harriet Tubman, Abe Lincoln. Theres wonderful books and videos in your local library that you can share with your child. Most important: Stand up for your beliefs whenever you feel a major value is jeopardized. Your kid needs to see and hear about moral courage so he has an example to copy.
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