Never Give Up Parenting a Difficult Teen
- Tuesday, October 27, 2009
If you're dealing with a wayward teen, you know how relationally fatigued, emotionally beaten up, and personally worn down you can get. In fact, you may right now be thinking, "I've been pushing against this wall forever…I just can't do it anymore." But let me encourage you to never give up…keep parenting, even when the going with your troubled teen gets toughest.
I understand just how confusing and tiring it is. I've spent most of my life working with dozens of struggling teens at a time! So, here are a few ways I've learned to cope…
Overcome Worry and Find Peace
I have learned that in the midst of the worst storms with teenagers, peace is still possible, and peace can spread from you to your teen. It's infectious! The first step to find peace is to shift from worrying to meditating on God, entrusting the problems — and your teenager — to Him.
Peace is the direct opposite of worry. The situation with your teen won't improve when you worry. In fact, when worry takes control, it usually makes matters worse for everyone. So, where does the tendency to worry come from? Well, we know it doesn't come from God. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Peace can grow in your heart when sitting in the presence of the Lord, "being still." It is difficult to accomplish these days, as every minute seems to be filled with the hustle and bustle of 21st century life. However, when quality time with the Savior is given priority, peace can come amidst the turmoil.
The Lord, your God, is in your midst, a mighty One who will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you by His love;
He will exult over you with loud singing.
Begin by spending a few minutes daily focusing on your relationship with God and reading His Word. It may mean changing your sleep schedule in order to wake up a little earlier, before everyone else. Or, it may mean you need to take regular breaks away from home to calm down, collect your thoughts and meet with God. You will come to know that God is able to quiet the worry in your heart with His love.
You might also visit someone who is a positive spiritual encouragement; attend a retreat to focus on God, or simply go on relaxing walks. When you do, avoid the distraction of electronic media, which can overpower what God may have to say to you. It is in those quieter moments, alone with God, that He can provide you with a new idea, a new approach for managing your problem with your teen, and a new perspective of resting in Him.
Seek Help with Change
If you could fix the problem with your teen yourself, you would have done so by now. After all, your best thinking has you where you are at this point, and it doesn't appear to be working. So, it could be time to get some help from a pastor, a professional counselor, a medical doctor or a psychiatrist. Find a support group and don't be afraid to ask for help. Try something different, and keep trying. It may even be that something within you or your spouse needs to change before you will see difference in your teen's behavior. If so, be open to whatever change needs to take place.
Learn to Recognize Progress
It's easy to be so overwhelmed by problems with your teen's behavior that you fail to recognize any progress. Progress is not "problem solved." Progress means steady improvement. So, if your child is screaming at you every day, and then only yells at you once every other day - then that's progress! Finishing some of his homework, when he previously did no homework, is progress. Effective parenting requires that you look at the big picture while focusing on just a few problems at a time; then applauding any progress, no matter how small. Refuse to make your teen's lack of a complete turnaround to be your constant disappointment. Turnarounds rarely happen overnight. Instead, applaud every step in the right direction, even if it is a small one.
Recently on Parenting
Have something to say about this article? Leave your comment via Facebook below!
Listen to Your Favorite Pastors
Add Crosswalk.com content to your siteBrowse available content