To Kiss, or Not to Kiss? - Dating as a Single Parent
- Thursday, October 25, 2012
“Dad, did you kiss her?”
“Of course not, we’ve only gone out a few times.”
“Then what did you do when the date was over?”
“I walked her to the door, gave Karen a quick hug goodnight, put my hands in my pocket and walked back to the car. I was nervous!”
They laughed. “Dad you’re such a geek! You’re supposed to kiss her and stuff to see if you really like her.”
“No,” I argued. “I do that later because I like her. Affection is not an experiment; it is an expression.”
A few weeks later, I recalled the conversation and complained about today’s culture with a friend of mine. “Think about it,” he said. “Parents talk to their kids about dating until they’re blue in the face, but you have a chance to actually show them. Few children ever get to see their parents date. What an opportunity!”
He’s right. Single parents are the best role models for teaching their children about dating. We can preach to them about boundaries, respect andpurity, but when they watch us living out these commitments, they are truly influenced.
A few months after I married Karen, my two teenage daughters and I talked about dating. I asked them, “Girls, what did I do right when I was dating Karen?” They told me what I did right from their perspective, and also what I did wrong. We had a marvelous conversation, and in the process we discovered some good guidelines for single-parent dating.
1. Phone Home
Keep your kids informed, and share your feelings with your children. If there are information gaps, they will fill them in with their imaginations. And quite often their imaginations can be pretty bleak, especially if they are influenced by the horror stories of some of their friends or — even worse — the media.
Don’t feel that you have to tell them the personal details, but let them know your fears, hopes and dreams. On the other hand, don’t involve them so much that their hearts break more than yours if things don’t work out.
Maintain privacy, not secrets. My girls said they appreciated the fact that they could ask me about my dates and I would tell them, from beginning to end, what we did and where we went. There were no secrets.But when I was asked to reveal some of the things Karen and I talked about, I told them only general topics. I explained that some conversations were private, and I was sure they understood why I kept them between Karen and myself. They understood.
2. Bring Home
Keep your children in mind when you are out. Bring them something from the date, like a dessert you know they would enjoy. Treat a night out like a mini-vacation: Never come back empty-handed. Bringing a little something for your kids makes them feel as if they were part of your outing and you were thinking of them.
It also demonstrates to your date how important your children are to you. If he or she doesn’t understand that your kids are your priority right off the bat, there may be trouble later. The sooner your date realizes your heart is completely committed to your young ones at home, the sooner he or she will be able to settle into a relationship based on that truth.
3. Stay Home
Have a pizza and movie night once things are going well enough to let your kids become vulnerable. Let them see you hang out on a sofa andwatch television. Sweats, stocking feet, throw pillows, blankets and popcorn while you watch a movie are ingredients of typical family life. While it is important not to rush, everyday experiences can be good for everyone. This is when things begin to seem real and normal. You are casual, and the kids are part of the growing relationship in their own environment.
Recently on Single Parents
Have something to say about this article? Leave your comment via Facebook below!
Listen to Your Favorite Pastors
Add Crosswalk.com content to your siteBrowse available content