LIE #6:  She wouldn’t just date me for financial reasons.
Truth: Think again. A woman’s greatest need is for security, according to studies. That doesn’t mean that all women are gold diggers, but you have to search out motives. There’s many a financially distraught woman thinking that getting married to someone financially stable will solve all of her problems, whether or not the man is right for her. Watch for a few factors. Does she manage her own money well? Is she stable financially on her own? Does she display expensive tastes out of her budget? Does she focus on her lack of finances or on your comfortable lifestyle? If you are concerned, be sure to approach this matter privately with a qualified pre-marriage counselor (her pastor?) for some objective help in discerning her motives. This may sound harsh, but you don’t want to risk marrying a woman who only loves your money.

LIE #7:  When I marry her, my lust problem will be solved.
Truth: This is a frequent misconception for men who are waiting to have sex until marriage. They think, “When I’m able to have sex with my wife, I won’t be tempted by pornography or dwell on lustful thoughts anymore because I’ll have an outlet for my sexual energy.” I think honest men will tell you that marriage did not solve their lust problem. In some cases, it aggravated it. This is due primarily to the fact that lust isn’t a sex problem. It’s a heart problem. And just like a fire, when you begin to feed it, it gets hotter and hungrier, not satisfied. When a man gets married, he may be even more focused on sex and can still feed his lustful thoughts with images and fantasies. The only answer is to starve the fire of lust to make it eventually die down. Flee, as the Bible says, from sexual temptation.

Many men also go into marriage expecting their wife to be a sex goddess—ready for a romp 24/7. Relationship problems, low sex-drive, busy schedules, interruptions from kids, and physical problems can all contribute to marital sex not being as plentiful as you hoped.

LIE #8:  She nags, but what woman doesn’t.
Truth: Frequent nagging is a control problem. If you want to be mothered for the rest of your life, then go ahead and accept the challenge. If not, either make sure she deals with her control problem before marriage, or move on until you meet up with a more relaxed woman who doesn’t need to micro-manage your life.

LIE #9:  Her past is her past—I don’t need to know.
Truth: Wrong! Her past becomes your past. You need to dig during the dating relationship to see if there are any big issues lurking in the deep waters beneath the surface. What was her relationship like with her dad? Has she ever been sexually molested or abused? How have men treated her in past relationships? How has she treated men in the past? All of this you need to know now, or you could be shocked and deeply affected later when huge roadblocks and past skeletons emerge in her sexual or emotional intimacy.


Julie Ferwerda is the author of The Perfect Fit: piecing together true love, and has written for publications such as Marriage Partnership, Focus on the Family, and Discipleship Journal. Find out more:  www.JulieFerwerda.com.