Are Single Men Afraid of Dating?
- Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Behold the new dating game!
Irrepressible blogger Matt Walsh calls it “vicinitizing.”
That’s what a lot of twentysomething men appear to be doing these days instead of dating or courting. They’re hovering within the geographic vicinity of a woman they like, but they’re not ready to commit romantically... or even willing to call such times a “date.”
These men aren’t game for dating. Let alone marriage.
They’re the guys Walsh says need to man-up. Are you one of them? Are your school days now a distant memory? And you’re still single, without a clear conviction that your singlehood is God’s plan for your life? Might you even be deceiving yourself with a false contentment over not being married?
Of course, you don’t need marriage to be the man Christ wants you to be. Besides, there are good reasons not to be married, and to avoid rushing into a serious relationship. A wise young man will evaluate his readiness for mariage, and prepare himself accordingly. But these days, it seems like our culture is offering a lot of bad influences and flat-out sins to entice men in their twenties away from biblical marriage, and preoccupy them with perversions of valid reasons to treat “the Big M" responsibly.
So, single guys: If God himself hasn’t closed the door to marriage right now, exactly what is keeping you from it? Maybe you find our society’s traditional courtship rituals a bit stilted for your progressive tastes? But if you haven’t even truly bothered to start looking for the right girl, do you know the reason why? Do you realize that “vicinitizing" is not a normal expression of the biological urges previous generations of men your age have had?
Hey - I’m in my late 40‘s, and I’ve never been married. But at least I know why. I’ve spent years asking myself why I’m not married. I’ve prayed about it, and evaluated my motives, and compared them with what God teaches us about holy matrimony. At this point in my faith journey, I’ve reached a level of acceptance with my current marital status, but I haven’t gotten here by simply pretending that I can’t find the “right woman.”
What about you? Does “vicinitizing" describe your current singlehood? And do the reasons why you’re still single honor God?
Sex As Gift or Guile?
Maybe it’s none of my business, but don’t you struggle with sexual urges? Technically, even the most deeply-churched person may know God’s intentions for intercourse, but today, society tells us we have options. And frankly, a lot of those options seem easier than trying to build solid relationships with real women. Online porn, for example, is relatively discreet, incredibly accessible, and mostly free. Free of financial cost to you, anyway. What it costs us, however, in terms of building discipline and maintaining a healthy respect for women, is pretty high.
Intellectually, you may know this. Maybe you’re even privately remorseful of your porn habit. But if you honestly believe marriage to be the only God-honoring venue for sex, why not confront porn for what it is: society’s perversion of God’s good gift of sex.
Or maybe you’ve already been sexually active in the flesh, and now you feel ashamed by it? Have you embraced the popular notion that sex is too important a component of your personality to be preserved for your wife? Please don’t forget that God can forgive your most intimate sexual sin - at least, if you’re willing to man-up and ask for his mercy and grace.
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