More Than Friends... But Less Than a Romance?
- Thursday, September 20, 2012
I know this firsthand because I have been in my own friendationship. I loved the attention I was getting: the back rubs, hand holding, tickling and touching, sitting close on the couch - plus special presents at birthdays and Christmas. How about the trips home to see the parents, disclosure of personal information, and staying over-night at each others home? Of course there are questions and comments from friends: “When are you guys going to get serious and make a real commitment?” At the same time, there are those who assume you are dating and wonder when the wedding date is.
But where is God in this? Do we not see how this type of relationship is not only ungodly but also all about me? When you truly care about another person, you are "other focused." You want the best for them, not yourself.
Matthew 5:28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
1 Corinthians 13:4-9Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 7:8-9Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
3. “I wasn’t aware that I was in a friendationship!”
I talked with several singles who had this type of relationship but were simply not aware it had a name. They knew they were more than friends but also knew they had not talked about being committed or a future marriage. They were simply hanging with their buddies but shared some of the romantic things you do in a committed relationship. They didn't think this was wrong and had no plans of changing. It was only when I shared what the Lord says that they realize maybe they need to reevaluate. Maybe they are happy where things are but perhaps their friend is hoping it gets more serious. Maybe, these girls realized, they did need to define where they were as friends so they could go forward.
Hebrews 10:24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
2 Peter 2:13So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him.
4. “I am hoping it turns to a real commitment...towards marriage.”
Most of the people I interviewed that were in friendationships were waiting on it to change to a romantic relationship were women. They seriously thought, one day he will just change and be in love with me. In the meantime, I will allow our friendship to be a bit more. I will cook him dinner, cuddle on the couch, hold his hand, do things for him (like his laundry), be his buddy, run his errands, and so on because one day, he will realize what a great catch I am.
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