The Seven Secrets of Highly Effective Stagecoach Drivers

Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.  – Billy Graham|

On the basis of our combined five decades of counseling experience, we want to share the seven crucial secrets for turning anger and sexual energy into a force for personal gain – into a force that will help shape you into someone who is unswervingly authentic, who can face yourself, life situations, and relationships with confidence.


  1. Realize that you are the driver.  How this team of powerful horses behaves in the next few seconds, or the next few hours, is totally up to you.  You hold the reins in your hands.  You are the one in control.  If you become convinced that your emotions are really in charge – that you’re just along for the ride – you’re headed for big trouble.


Being the driver means that you regulate the speed by letting loose or pulling up on the reins.  The horses will turn left or right, according to your direction.  You are free to guide them as you think best, and this freedom cannot be compromised by anyone else.


  1. Convince yourself that you have the power to make wise decisions.  The skillfulness of your driving will be determined by the thoroughness and accuracy of your thinking.  The more proficient you become as a decision maker, the better your driving will be.

Your best choices will follow good decision-making rules.  First, you will pay attention to what you think and feel.  Then you will consider what the respected people in your life think and feel.  Finally, you will pay attention to the teachings of the ages – the time-tested principles of truth that offer wisdom and guidance – and ask God for direction.


Marshaling these three sources of data, your challenge is to sift through all of it and make the wisest decision you can.


Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves. – Blaise Pascal


  1. Operate out of confidence.  As we discussed in earlier chapters, your sense of profound worth was established long ago by God, and you already know what a significant human being you are.  That means you’re not making decisions just to feel good about yourself.  With your questions of personal significance solved, you’re totally confident about your invulnerability to other people’s evaluation and judgment. 

You are handling your angry and sexual impulses as wisely as you can for one reason: You want your own life to be unswervingly authentic.  And you want the lives of those closest to you to benefit from the optimal expression of your feelings in the proper, God-given context.


  1. Regulate the pace.  Life was not meant to be lived at breakneck speeds.  You can’t make good choices when you’re charging forward as swiftly as possible.  Slow your horses down, and keep them under full control.

When your brain is throbbing and your heart is pounding from anger or sexual feelings, one of the best things you can do is take your time.  Give yourself ample opportunity to think through all the aspects of your decision.