And so I would ask if you feel like your boyfriend has reached this same stage that Paul describes in these verses.  Yes, he says that he is "fully delivered" from his homosexuality, but what does that really mean?  Has he never again been tempted with feelings or desires?  Has he never been attracted to another man?  Has he implemented safeguards or measures in his life to help protect him against acting out?  Does he have close, trustworthy friends who are providing a safe place where he can open up and share and who are also keeping him accountable?


You do not want to enter into a marital relationship if you will constantly be wondering and thinking and worried about whether or not he will want to return to the homosexual lifestyle.  While I'm thankful he has been honest with you—as many might have kept this hidden and gone ahead and married someone without sharing this important information—I am wondering why you are still only dating after five years.  Why has the relationship not progressed further after such a long time period?  As I'm sure you know, dating for this long "later in life" is a lot different than in your late teens or twenties.  By this stage, you should be emotionally mature enough (and know if you desire someone enough for marriage) earlier on in the relationship process.  You must also ask yourself how long you are willing to wait for this man.  Is it worth it or is God telling you otherwise and that it's time to move on? 

At this point, all you can do is bring the matter before the Lord and ask your brothers and sisters in Christ to join you in praying for direction, so that you will know what to do if or when what is keeping you "frozen" in your tracks begins to melt away and no longer becomes an obstacle in your heart and in your mind.


HE is … Cliff Young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades.  He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.

SHE is …
Laura MacCorkle, Senior Editor at Crosswalk.com.  She loves God, her family and her friends.  Singleness has taught her patience, deepened her walk with the Lord and afforded her countless (who's counting anyway?) opportunities to whip up an amazing three-course meal for one. 

DISCLAIMER:  We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals.  We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the 21st century.  We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions.  Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately (we think they sound eerily similar sometimes, too!). 

GOT A QUESTION?  If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, PLEASE SUBMIT HERE (selected questions will be posted anonymously).  While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that He Said-She Said will be an encouragement to you.

**This column first published on October 28, 2010
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