He Said-She Said: Fighting Over a Man
- Thursday, March 05, 2009
From experience, I have learned that openness and honesty early on in a relationship helps to build trust, minimizes games and reduces misunderstandings. Before we react, we should always ask ourselves, “Will our actions bring us (and others) closer to God or are we turning our backs on how Jesus wants us to live?”
By being truthful to ourselves and others, by trying to understand people before drawing conclusions, and by living in a way God commands us, we would represent the church in a way that would ultimately set us apart and attract non-believers.
SHE SAID: Walk away.
Whatever is going on in this situation—whether it is jealousy, immaturity or whether this female friend of yours knows something about this young man and is really trying to protect you—I would advise you to just walk away.
Life is short. And when you look at your priorities and how much time you have to accomplish what you think God is calling you to do and with whom to spend your time, then a scenario like this (and the distress it is causing you) might not land at the top of your list. Just consider that, in light of what else is going on in your life right now.
From one angle, it sounds as if your female friend may have some growing up to do. This is quite possible, no matter the age, when it comes to a woman who is hot on the pursuit of a man of interest and when another woman stands in her way of getting what she wants (cat fight!).
If this is the case, do you really want to keep yourself in a triangle like this? I can hear the weariness in the wording of your question. And I’m sure you wish that “the drama” would just stop (television is one thing, but we do have control over the duration of soap operas in the real world, right?). One way to do that is to disengage and to distance yourself from these relationships. From the little information you have shared, it does not sound like a healthy situation at all. And if your female friend is interested, take the high road and don’t “duke” it out with her. If she held your friendship in high esteem and wanted to preserve it, I would assume by this time that she would have confessed her feelings to you and shared with you that she is interested in this young man (if she is).
I firmly believe if you are meant to be in a friendship or romantic relationship with the young man, that the Lord can make that happen (with a female friend standing in the way or not). In fact, your male friend may already see that this female friend is interested in him (and most likely for more than friendship). If he is not interested in her (and especially if he is only interested in you), then it is his responsibility to set the appropriate boundaries with his female friend and let her know very clearly that their relationship is only platonic and that he is interested in someone else (you). Perhaps he has already done so, but she is not listening (?). Or perhaps he has not (If this is the case, then this should give you pause. Think about it: if he is not taking initiative in this matter and clearing up the confusion and concerned for the feelings of all parties involved, what other issues is he’s not addressing or taking responsibility for in his life? And is that the kind of man who would be a good leader and someone you would respect in a relationship? If he knows a woman is interested in him and he is not interested in her, an honorable man would let her know he is not interested and not allow her to continue hanging on to any false hope due to ambiguity or misunderstanding.).
Now, from another point of view, your female friend just might happen to be emotionally and socially mature. And it’s possible that she sees something in the male friend that perhaps you do not (especially if she has been friends with him for a long time). Maybe you are misinterpreting her actions. She may know things about this male friend that you do not. But perhaps she is not at liberty to share them with you, but instead is trying to gently push you away from him in order to shield you from being hurt. I think it is possible.
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