He Said-She Said: Grab Bag Questions and Answers
- Thursday, October 29, 2009
EDITOR'S NOTE: Each He Said-She Said column features a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness, please click here to submit (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
This month we decided to answer more than one question. We receive so many questions that there are simply more questions than there are months in the year! So we've selected five that don't warrant lengthy answers (or rather, ones we felt we could answer well enough with fewer words) and have combined them into one column. We hope you find them helpful and encouraging. Enjoy!
QUESTION: The Bible says, "He who finds a wife. ..." Does that mean that a woman should not show an interest or make the first move toward someone she believes is the "one" she is interested in?
HE SAID: Prov. 18:22 does not mean you should not show an interest in a man, but rather speaks of what a man receives when he finds a spouse—a good thing and favor.
Therefore, men should take the initiative to pursue a woman in a relationship. We, as men, should be bold enough to deliberately talk to and show our interest and desire for a woman. Then again, if a woman does not "respond" or "show an interest" back, guys will often give up trying.
If you are interested and believe he is "the one," there are many things you can do to let him know you are interested without making the "first move." Conveniently being in the same place, making eye contact and smiling, striking up a conversation, and letting some mutual friends know are simple passively forward ways that gives him an opportunity to show his interest in you.
SHE SAID: The Bible does say that in Prov. 18:22. "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." I think we tend to read in to this verse a bit, though. A husband will be blessed by a wife (harkens back to Gen. 2:18). And that's all I believe that this verse is saying. But if you look to other examples in the Scriptures, you will see that men boldly pursued women who they were interested in and desired (Jacob and Rachel, Boaz and Ruth, David and Bathsheba [perhaps not a great example, but an example nonetheless of a man taking action], etc.). As far as I can tell, the women in these examples had not crossed the line into pursuit, yet they were visible and were doing their thing and were in places where they could be noticed. Ultimately, I think it's a fine line. Showing interest vs. pursuing a man. You have to bathe this matter in prayer when you encounter a man who captures your interest. Are you doing too much? Are you doing too little? Let God be your guide. He can move mountains and move in the heart of any man to cause him to take interest and pursue any woman.
QUESTION: What does it truly mean to "guard your heart"? What does that truly mean in the dating world? I am very real and transparent and feel that I say too much too fast.
HE SAID: Our heart is not just a vital organ to our physical health, but also our emotional, spiritual and relational well-being. Being real and transparent is a great trait to have; however, sharing too much too fast can be unwise at the outset of a relationship. Honest, trusting relationships take time.
We probably wouldn't walk down the street and hand someone the keys to our houses, so shouldn't we be more protective of our hearts?
Guarding your heart within a relationship means protecting it, not just from getting hurt, but from awakening desires before it's time (Song of Sol. 2:7) and from being deceived (as Samson was with Delilah). For many of us, we have a desire to share our heart with someone, but if we view our heart as belonging to God first we may be wiser and more discerning with whom we open and share it with.
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