See what I mean? (Or rather, comprendre? … if you’re French).

I’ve also found that it helps to take the focus off of myself in conversations and situations like the one you’ve described. It’s very easy to sit there and stew. But it’s also easy to change your POV. But how do I do that? I ask questions. I listen. I ask more questions. I try to get to know the people I’m with and understand their lives and their choices and the messages they are sending through their communication with me. What can I learn from them? Or (and this is where the big girl pants come in) how can I be a blessing to them?

I know. That’s hard to swallow. But don’t lose your cookies quite yet. Stay with me.

I’m simply suggesting you are the one who moves over. Instead of staying in the further away “hey, I’m single and they aren’t taking note of that!” seat, try scooting over and getting closer to them. Spend some time in the “wow, I can really identify with how you were feeling in that situation” or “that’s great and I’m so glad you were able to do such and such” seat.

“But I don’t wanna move!” I hear you. But listen. Go back to Jesus’ example while he was here on earth. He didn’t spend time with his disciples constantly saying to them, “Guys, you’re just an uneducated and spiritually immature bunch of followers. When are you going to get it? You just have no idea of the weight of the world that I’m about to carry on my shoulders. Just no idea.

Can you imagine?

What Jesus did do was spend time with the disciples by serving them (washing feet anyone?), sharing Truth with them (God’s Word is alive and active and penetrates to change lives) and teaching them, by example, what it means to love God and one another (sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice).

For the next five business days, try taking a different look at your situation and see what changes you can make to reach out to your co-workers. Give it a shot. Five business days. That’s all. And then see how you feel. Call me crazy, but maybe God has some big plans for you to be an ambassador and a light for him in this mad, mad, mad—I mean married—world.

“ … Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26-28).


HE is … Cliff Young, a contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.

SHE is … 
Laura MacCorkle, Senior Editor at She loves God, her family and her friends. Singleness has taught her patience, deepened her walk with the Lord and afforded her countless (who's counting anyway?) opportunities to whip up an amazing three-course meal for one. 

DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the 21st century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately (we think they sound eerily similar sometimes, too!). 

GOT A QUESTION? If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to He Said-She Said (selected questions will be posted anonymously). While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that this column will be an encouragement to you.