He Said-She Said: Talking About Remarriage
- Thursday, March 14, 2013
You mentioned that he says he feels uncomfortable when you talk about marriage, that it's not the right time. Well, it takes two to agree on the timing (plus God). He is not in agreement with you. And as a female myself, I believe the husband (and husband-to-be) is the leader of the home. I would prefer to trust in God's timing and instruction to him, your boyfriend, and then to you. I am not saying that your thoughts and feelings don't matter. I am only saying that I believe God will lead your boyfriend to make the next steps.
Based on your letter, I do think you are pressuring him too much and I would take the subject off the table unless he brings it up. Because everything else seems perfect and moving along, the engagement will come and eventual marriage too. Just trust that if God brought this man into your life, God will decide the next step. Be careful that you don't push him away. If he is really the "one" he will be the one a few more months from now. If this man is who you have made him out to be, he is worth waiting for.
After a few more months you will sense whether you are drawing closer to each other or apart. You will know because God will tell both of you to continue to move you forward. And you will both know its the right time to talk about your future.
One final thought is that your boyfriend is widowed. Being a widow is very different than being divorced. I am not sure how much this could be a factor but it is definitely something to keep in mind as it might be a concern for your boyfriend, and affect how he thinks about remarriage.
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! (Psalms 27:14)
HE is … Cliff Young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.
SHE is … Kris Swiatocho, the President and Director of TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries and FromHisHands.com Ministries. Kris has served in ministry in various capacities for the last 25 years. An accomplished trainer and mentor, Kris has a heart to reach and grow leaders so they will in turn reach and grow others. She is the author of three books: Singles and Relationships: A 31-Day Experiment (co-authored with Dick Purnell of Single Life Resources); From the Manger to the Cross: The Women in Jesus' Life; and the most recent, Jesus, Single Like Me with Study Questions (includes a leader's guide and conference/retreat of the same name).
DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the twenty-first century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately (we think they sound eerily similar sometimes, too!).
GOT A QUESTION? If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to email@example.com (selected questions will be posted anonymously). While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that this column will be an encouragement to you. Click here to visit the He Said-She Said archives.
Publication date: March 14, 2013
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