He Said-She Said: Time to Find a Husband?
- Wednesday, February 06, 2008
EDITOR'S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a new, monthly column in Crosswalk.com’s Singles channel. Written by two longtime friends and fellow singles, each column will feature a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you’ve got a question about anything related to singleness, please click here to submit (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: After putting my career on the front burner for the past couple of years, I’ve decided that THIS is the year when I will get married. I don’t know if this is God’s will for my life or not, but I feel like I am ready to find a husband. Is it wrong for me to be proactive in my search? If I join a dating service is that just me “playing God” and trying too hard to make something happen? Or should I just sit back, keep praying and let God bring my soul mate to me? Help! I need some perspective.
HE SAID: It is important to have personal aspirations and a direction for your life. It is just as important, if not more, to first know where you are and ready yourself properly mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually prior to starting on any endeavor.
In the past, you chose to invest your time and energy into your career, and that's great. I don't know if regret for doing so has even entered your mind, but if it has ... don't blame your decision for where you are not today relationally. Instead, be thankful for the experience, the financial gains and the friendships that you have made. Rejoice in those things and bring them positively into the next phase of your life.
That being said, it’s great to have, in no better words, a goal for yourself. But a relationship (and marriage) is not a goal that can be obtained individually. It involves the most unpredictable element possible, another person—and in your case, a man!
“Sitting back” is usually not a good strategy to obtaining any goal in life and it also holds true in this case. It is not “wrong” to be proactive in your search of a relationship per se, depending upon what proactive means to you.
Being single today is very different from being single decades ago. Life is so much faster paced and the demands upon a person are so much greater. However, we also have the opportunity to be connected to many more people than ever before. Utilizing the technology that is available (i.e. online dating, personal Web sites, dating services, e-mails, texting, etc.) is almost imperative these days, but should not be a substitute for “face time.” (I would caution the use of technology too much, as anyone can portray himself as someone he is not and can be thought of as more than he is.)
I cannot stress enough the importance of getting out and making yourself available, whether through technology or through more traditional methods (chance meetings, friend of friend, church, community service, activities, etc.). It is the most important aspect in the pursuit of a relationship.
A guy won’t know you’re available unless you make it known that you are available. There is nothing wrong with “opportune” meetings or assertive conversations, but allow a man to be a man. I understand that men (and I include myself) sometimes don’t take the initiative or pursue a woman in the way that a man should. In such cases, these aren’t the “men” you would want to align yourself with anyway.
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