EDITOR’S NOTE:  He Said-She Said  is written by two longtime friends and fellow singles.  Each column features a reader's question with responses from a male and female point of view.  If you’ve got a question about anything related to singleness, please click here to submit (selected questions will be posted anonymously).

QUESTION:  Is something wrong if, at 30 years old, you don't know what you want to be when you’re already “grown up”?

HE SAID:  What questions do you ask of someone when you first meet? 

My first question is usually “What is your name?”  The second (sometimes third) question is “What do you do?”  It is also common to ask younger people, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  The answer given is usually a profession, not a character trait.  We have grown to associate who we are with what we do.  Our identity is often tied to our occupations rather than ourselves as individuals, especially for guys.

I was raised in a home where my father worked for the same company essentially doing the same job for over 35 years.  He became that job.  He instilled in me the importance of going to college, working in my field of study for a good, stable company (with good benefits), and supporting my family.  I was following this plan until I was let go at my first job and consequently lost my “identity” as a person. 
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.
— Ecclesiastes 3:1

I quickly learned that the loyalty toward a company and of a company that my dad enjoyed had changed over the years, and the need to be adaptable with your occupation (or what you “want to be”) had become the norm rather than long-term stability.  Through my experience, along with accepting Jesus into my life, I have come to recognize that there are different seasons in life.  I have had to learn that each season (of change) does not affect who I am as a person or my character; it only changes the situation I am in.

That is a long prelude to say, whatever “season” you are in, don’t let it dictate who you are as a person. 

There are many examples of men in the Bible who changed their line of work after they were “grown up.”

  • Moses – Son of Pharaoh to Leader of the Israelites (Exodus)
  • David – Warrior to King of Judah (2 Samuel)
  • Jesus – Carpenter to Savior (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John)
  • Peter – Fisherman to Disciple (Mark 3)
  • Paul – Persecutor to Apostle (Romans)

The common thread that runs through each of these men is their vision that they had received from God.  Their work was not to glorify themselves or for some worldly gain (and not used as an identity for who they were), but rather their work was for an eternal purpose.  At times it is difficult to maintain that sort of vision in today’s world.  There are so many distractions, temptations, and forces telling you what you should be, what you should have, and what you should do.  It’s easy to become disillusioned with your own life and your job.

God made our bodies with many parts and he has put each part just where he wants it.
— 1 Corinthians 12:18

Now all of you together are Christ’s body, and each one of you is a separate and necessary part of it.
— 1 Corinthians 12:27

Each part of your body performs a function, but at different times and in different situations that part can perform a function for a different purpose.  For instance, your hand can hold, throw, catch, and write.  They are all done by the same part and all are necessary, but all are utilized in a variety of ways.