He Said-She Said: When Looking Younger Isn't Helping
- Thursday, June 18, 2009
If you meet someone who interests you, pursue her in a godly way—with respect for her as a sister in Christ. Treat her as you would want someone to treat your future wife.
Whether or not she receives your interest and advances is her choice and for her reasons. It may not make sense to you, it may be altogether absurd, there may be no explanation whatsoever for her rejection, or she may not feel comfortable with the age difference, but it is her decision.
As you mention, one woman your age may feel you look too young for her, while a younger one may feel you are too old. Each person and couple must determine and decide, on their own and for themselves, what is best—God’s best.
In every relationship you enter into and with whomever you pursue, conduct yourself in a way that exemplifies how God wants you to live—not judging by external appearances but rather looking at a person’s heart.
SHE SAID: Obstacles. We all have them in every facet of our lives, as well as in our potential or current relationships.
For some, it may be proximity. Distance may pose a problem when it comes to two people coming together. For others it might be incompatibility when it comes to intelligence, career success, interests, religious affiliations or even … yes … height.
For you (and you’re not alone here), it is age. But here’s what’s interesting: what you see as an obstacle may not be seen as an obstacle by someone else.
For example, a man might perceive that he has not reached the point in his career where he feels good about himself and is “successful.” Maybe he’s still in school or working an in-between type of job. And the woman who is interested in him could care less. She likes him for who he is and not what he has accomplished or is bringing home in his wallet. Therefore, his position on the career ladder is not an obstacle to her.
Or, a woman might perceive her looks as not on par with what she views on television or sees in magazines. Perhaps she feels she doesn’t stand out and could not be attractive enough to get—or hold onto—the attention of a man. And the man who does happen to be interested in her sees the natural beauty that is already there. He’s not looking for inch-thick makeup, hairspray or heels. He likes her just the way she is. Therefore, her not-so-glamorous appearance is not an obstacle to him.
I thought about your question for a good long while before attempting to answer. And like you said, there are no specific verses in Scripture which speak to your specific situation. But when I stood back a way’s and looked at the bigger picture, several verses did come to my mind for you.
Psalms 139 says: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
Remember that you are special. God made you and caused you to be born at the exact time when he wanted you to come into this world. He carefully designed your personality. He knew that you’d be young at heart and not look your age at this point in your life. And not everyone can say that they have been blessed in this way. In fact, I know many, MANY women who would trade with you in a heartbeat and would love to have youthful appearances while in their fifties (and I’m sure there are men who would agree as well).
Over in the New Testament, Matthew 19 says: “Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’”
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