He Said-She Said: Why Do Women Go for the "Bad Boys"?
- Thursday, December 04, 2008
If we have a relationship with Christ, we need to be spending our time loving God and loving others as ourselves. We shouldn’t desire to try to change who we are in order to win the heart of someone we are interested in.
I am doing my best to be who God created and called me to be. He has made me unique, special, precious and “good.” A person who is seeking a “Bad Boy” is probably not the one God has chosen for me or for you.
Take heart, and trust He who is God.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13).
SHE SAID: Who knows? And I mean that with all sincerity.
Really and truly, why do men and women, bad boys and good girls, good boys and bad girls, do anything that we do when it comes to relating to the opposite sex? There are just some things in life that will never be explained. And a whole lot that is just not worth the time spent trying to decipher.
You can make yourself crazy if you try to figure out why someone likes one person and not another. Don’t try to make a pro’s and con’s list. Don’t try to reconstruct every conversation you’ve had with a certain individual who’s struck your fancy and is not interested in you. And don’t try to analyze all of this person’s moves and motives or get clues or information from their friends.
You cannot fully understand someone’s thoughts (unless they share them with you, and even then they still may not make sense). You won’t be able to understand what attracts him or her to one person and not to another. And if he or she is not interested, there’s not a whole lot you can do to change his or her mind anyway.
So, just know that in most cases, you’ll never understand. It’s best to just move on, accept it for what it is and tell yourself: This person is not interested in me, and I don’t know why. AND THAT’S OKAY. This person must not be God’s best for me. I choose to believe that there is someone else who is perfect for me and will see the value in me, and I won’t have to do backflips or tap dance to make something happen or garner interest.
In college, I remember trying to figure out why it seemed many of the cuter guys only asked out the plainer girls. I couldn’t decode the mystery. What did the plain-country-janes have that we duded-up city girls did not? After all, we had “cutting edge” outfits from Express and killer wits about us, and they only had long skirts, pullover sweaters and “boring” personalities (or so we assumed).
These young ladies definitely had a certain je ne sais quoi. And by that I mean, I really don’t know what in tarnation they had that we didn’t. Perhaps they had sweeter and gentler spirits. Possibly they were more at ease with themselves and not so focused on trying to impress. Or maybe they had a special talent for baking irresistible gingerbread. Who knows?
My friends and I weren’t setting out to be cruel in our thoughts regarding our female competition. We just wanted some explanations as to why the cute boys wouldn’t ask us out. What in the world did they see in these “plain” young ladies and not in us?
It’s the same line of questioning as your inquiry regarding women preferring “bad boys.” What do they have that the "good men" do not? It’s puzzling. And I don’t have a firm answer for you, because there might not be one.
However, when discussing your question with a friend of mine, she did suggest to me that perhaps a woman might go after a “bad boy” because she feels like she doesn’t deserve any better. Maybe she has a poor self-image and doesn’t think she could ever attract or hold the interest of a “good guy.” I think this rationale is definitely possible and could be part of the equation in many cases.
Recently on Singles
Have something to say about this article? Leave your comment via Facebook below!
Listen to Your Favorite Pastors
Add Crosswalk.com content to your siteBrowse available content