He Said-She Said: Can I Be Poor and Still Invest in a Relationship?
- Thursday, June 13, 2013
EDITOR'S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: A healthy marriage relationship requires sufficient time and money, particularly on the part of the man. However, there are times when men earn so little, and still struggle. As they toil and moil, time flies by so quickly and some end up in unhealthy, come-we-stay kind of arrangements. This is obviously unacceptable in Christian circles. How can a man of integrity start and manage a relationship when he doesn’t have enough money? Could a constant lack of finances be God’s call into celibacy? Should this man of integrity keep looking for the money to manage the relationship even as his age advances? Aren’t late marriages vulnerable to more problems given the fact that the man and woman may not have the strength to bring up children when they are so advanced in age?
Your observations are not foreign from the thoughts and concerns many of us have, although the connection you make between money and relationships is too significant.
A healthy relationship of any kind requires quality time in a variety of settings and situations, a commitment of each to the other, common values and an abundance of grace and understanding.
Money is an important aspect of a majority of things, but isn’t a necessity of a healthy relationship. It can make things “easier,” however, the challenge no matter how much or little you have is to be imaginative, resourceful and devoted to your significant within your own confines. If you create a strong healthy relationship when you have little, you will thrive not only in that condition, but in life and in stewardship when you have more.
Whoever is faithful with little is also faithful with much (Luke 16:10).
A “constant lack of finances” can hardly be construed as God’s calling into celibacy. If that were the case, many colleges would become monasteries.
Society has led us to believe having money correlates to happiness, but we often hear of wealthy individuals (celebrities) who have neither successful nor healthy relationships. Many couples acknowledge it was during their times of financial struggle when they felt closest to one another.
Traditionally, the man has been the major breadwinner in the family and should always strive to be the spiritual leader and provider for his family. But a recent report indicates women are now the primary provider in forty percent of households. No matter who (currently) provides the majority of income, both need to contribute to the relationship.
Stop worrying about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself (Matthew 6:34).
If we wait to “have enough money,” to “be in the right job,” to “live in our dream house,” to “have everything in order,” we may never start a relationship or do what we were created for. This is not to say we should take unnecessary chances or put ourselves into debt, but if we hold out for what we “think” is the perfect time to start, we may never accomplish anything.
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