EDITOR'S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to hesaid-shesaid@crosswalk.com (selected questions will be posted anonymously).

QUESTION: In the past I have had inappropriate relationships and feel like my punishment was a (manageable) STD. Do you think God will still bless me with a husband, as I really do desire marriage? I am celibate now and have not dated in a year and half. Sharing this part of my life with a Christian man scares me.


Let me preface my answer by saying this.

I used to wonder why the brightest, smartest, most educated and wealthiest people in the world often had the most difficulty in accepting Christ.  

The simple reason is, it doesn’t make (worldly) “sense.”

One of if not THE most challenging parts of believing, accepting and trusting in the Word of God is overcoming our personal opinions and mindset of how we would “handle” things if “we were God.”

He loved us and sent his Son to die for our sins, so we can have everlasting life. This act of love is problematic for many to receive and comprehend.

In the same way, believing God can and will still bless you even after all you have done can be hard for any of us (believers) to accept too. Your challenge is not trying to decide if God is punishing you through a sexually transmitted disease, which I don’t feel he is, and whether he will withhold a husband from you, but rather forgiving yourself.

If you play with fire, there is a good chance you will burn yourself a time or two. If you break the law, you will probably be caught at some point. And if you choose to be promiscuous, there is a possibility you will catch a disease.

Many blame their misgivings on God, but in reality, they are just the result of our choices (or non-choices). We sometimes fail to realize, there are and always will be consequences for our actions.

“If we were God” we might not be as understanding or as merciful, but we aren’t and God is.  He loves and forgives you.  

It’s time you forgave yourself.

When you find peace from your past, you will become the woman God created and will discover the man who will embrace you as you are, as Christ has for us.


Of course God can still bless you with a husband!

In all relationships we carry some kind of baggage. Our past affects our future. For some, it's a record of abuse, jailtime, a DUI, drug addiction, porn, unforgiveness, or unresolved anger. Yes, your STD is the consequence of sin - but a forgiven sin. Because of what Christ did on the cross, you have been forgiven.

The hard part is that you still have to deal with the consequences. Believe me, no matter what people have in their past, it has a tendency to creep back up in and affect them in the present. So can you find a guy who would love you despite this? While some people might be scared off (by an STD or even another past issue), if he loves you, God will give him peace about it.

I know of two other ladies in the same position as you, who have since found love. As their relationships grew, they shared more and more of what they felt the other person needed to know about their past (and also asked their boyfriends to do the same). Then there came a time when the relationships were getting serious and the STD discussion needed to happen. One of the men actually had the same STD as his girlfriend, and shared that he has been fearful that no woman would want him. The other man said, "well, we just have to practice safer sex in our marriage so I won't get it." He shared how he had his own junk in his life and didn't feel he could judge her. He saw her as Christ did: beautiful and forgiven.