EDITOR'S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to hesaid-shesaid@crosswalk.com  (selected questions will be posted anonymously).

QUESTION: Over a year ago the Lord seemed to tell both me and my brother in Christ that He wanted us to be together; that we were made for each other. At the time we had no feelings for each other; it was purely a cognitive and spiritual understanding. We might have been wrong in hearing God, but we chose to give Him the benefit of the doubt and still believe that He had spoken. After a year of struggle and pain caused by strong parental disapproval, we have been forced to break up even though we love each other and still feel God called us together. We have prayed together tearfully almost every week over the past year, but God doesn't seem to respond. All of it hurts so much, and we don't understand why God would bring us together under such terrible circumstances if He wasn’t going to open doors for us right now. Both sets of parents say that there is "no way" that we will be together in the future... but God tells us that Mark 9:23. I don't understand.


I have learned and come to accept I won’t understand a lot that goes on in life, and I’m okay with that because I KNOW the person who does.

What we oftentimes don’t consider in our triumphs and especially in our disappointment is how our one specific event, no matter how exhilarating or traumatic, fits into a bigger picture of God’s plans for our life and for those we touch.

You may have sensed the Lord leading you into having a relationship; however it may have been for a whole another reason than leading to marriage for the two of you at this time. It could have been for the sole purpose of exposing your parents's true feelings. It may have been to encourage each of you to seek a stronger prayer life or to pursue Him more. Or maybe it was meant to bring the both of you closer together now only to be furthered in another time and place.  

Is there a possibility the two of you “tried too hard” and cognitively controlled it rather than letting the relationship develop easily and naturally? Sometimes as believers we tend to over-think and over-spiritualize everything instead of just “letting God.”

Of course, there is that chance you may have been wrong in “hearing God,” but whatever the case, God does not need the “benefit of the doubt.” He IS God, before we arrived, now and after our time on earth is over. He does not need our approval, our consent or our blessing, and He does not need to explain His rationale, plans or reasoning for what He does.

Every once in a while (when I truly seek wisdom to understand His ways) I will see a glimmer, receive some insight, or have an epiphany of how a past event, “chance” interaction or opportunity has led me to where I am today, to something I have received or has given me discernment as a result.  It is at those times I feel closest to Him.

When we reach a point where we love Him so unconditionally and trust Him so explicitly, maybe we will begin to comprehend and appreciate a little more about what He does. Until then, we’ll just have to have confidence in His greater purpose and find ways to cope with our disappointments.