So now, your question: How do I stop feelings of judgment and jealousy?

Try to remind yourself that everyone has a story, a reason, a motivation. You may not buy into the phrase “to know all is to forgive all” but we must remember that our Heavenly Father truly does forgive all! So we should strive to as well. Perhaps some of these less-than-courteous young people in your church are introverted and unobservant, and do not realize that they ostracize visitors. Perhaps they simply suffer from a typical case of Me-centeredness and do not have the servant’s conviction which you have cultivated. Whatever their reason for behaving this way, know that your continued godly example is still important. Your standard of conduct is high, because you serve a Holy, Good God.

After all, “though your hearts were once full of darkness, now you are full of light from the Lord, and your behavior should show it!” –Ephesians 5:8

Have you ever discussed these problems with the people who bother you? We weren’t created to be mind-readers. Talking things out can be sticky and uncomfortable - and is certainly not always appropriate… But if you are cultivating bitterness inside and neither the responsible parties nor your fellow leaders know of it, that could lead to some pretty nasty backlash.

Keep in mind Jesus’ command that in order to be right with God, Matthew 5:23. If you feel jealousy and judgment swelling in your heart, know that God’s love and light are within you. You have the amazing opportunity to be that light to others. I hope that’s encouraging…even if it seems sometimes that you’re the only one.

HE is … cliff young, a contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.

SHE is …  Debbie Wright, Assistant Editor for Family Content at Crosswalk. She lives in Glen Allen, Virginia and is an avid writer, reader, and participant in local community theatre.

DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the twenty-first century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately (we think they sound eerily similar sometimes, too!). 

GOT A QUESTION? If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to he said-she said (selected questions will be posted anonymously). While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that this column will be an encouragement to you. Click here to visit the he said-she said archives.

Publication date: August 9, 2012