EDITOR'S NOTEHe Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to He Said-She Said (selected questions will be posted anonymously).

QUESTION: Can you still marry after you’ve missed the man God had planned for you? God is sovereign, right? He can order your footsteps, because his plan prevails. He says all things work together for those who loved him. But I mean, at 41 years old, how come I’m not married yet?

HE SAID: You can definitely marry after you’ve missed the man God had planned for you, but I have to wonder why someone would want to marry you if you really thought he wasn’t the man God had intended for you?

Many singles over thirty-five ask themselves at some point why they aren’t married. I know I have (along with most of my older friends) and through the years I have come up with a number of possible reasons, but none seem very important.

What is important is my relationship with the Lord now and how I am walking the path and purpose he has set for me today.

You allude to Proverbs 16:9, “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps,” and I hear people ask, “What good is it for me to plan if God is going to change it anyways?” or “I’ve been letting God direct my steps, but he hasn’t done anything yet.” 

All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

To love God means spending time with him in prayer and solitude. It means listening (and reacting) to his still small voice when everything and everyone around you is screaming something different. It means trusting him by taking steps of faith along his path even when it doesn’t make complete sense. It means stepping outside of your comfort zone because he often gives us opportunities we can’t fathom or could have dreamed of.

We work together with God according to his purpose—not asking God to work within our plans, not setting some arbitrary timeline for him to work and not doing only what we want to do.

Why aren’t you married yet? I don’t think anyone can answer that except for you. For me, there is more God wants to use me for which can only come about as a single.

SHE SAID: Look at your question. The answer is there.

How could you miss the man God has planned for you? If God has a specific man planned for you, then you will not miss him. Right?

If God is sovereign (as you have indicated you believe), then you have not missed out on anything that he has planned for you (Job 42:2). Period. This is the God of ALL creation. The One who planned out the entire history of the world until the end of time. The Father who knows you so intimately that each hair on your head is numbered (Matthew 10:29-31).