I don’t know about you, but to me that is comforting.

But I also understand your frustration and your loneliness. I want to know, too, “why am I not married yet?” (Proverbs 20:24). But I don’t have the answer to that for any of us, just like I don’t have the answer for why innocent children die in the womb or why a cure for cancer cannot be found or why a spouse inexplicably “falls” out of love with another. There are some harsh realities in life that we just don’t understand . . . and perhaps never will.

But I believe the point is not to be mired in “why” in our relationship with God, but in “who”, “what”, “when”, “where” and “how.” As in . . .

WHO am I supposed to ________?
WHAT do you want me to do with ________?
WHEN should I ________?
WHERE am I supposed to _________?
HOW do you want me to go about ________?

There is so much else to do in our single lives than to get stuck in the “why” of our marital status. We could be missing out on what God is trying to do in and through us if we don’t let go of wanting to know “why” we are still single.

My advice to you is to shift your focus and see what else God has put on the plate of your life besides the empty spot where a mate would be—for he is able and willing to do far more in and through you than you could ever ask or imagine.

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God (
Micah 6:8).


HE is … Cliff Young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.

Laura MacCorkleSHE is … 
Laura MacCorkle, Senior Editor at Crosswalk.com. She loves God, her family and her friends. Singleness has taught her patience, deepened her walk with the Lord and afforded her countless (who's counting anyway?) opportunities to whip up an amazing three-course meal for one. 

DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the twenty-first century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately (we think they sound eerily similar sometimes, too!). 

GOT A QUESTION? If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to He Said-She Said (selected questions will be posted anonymously). While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that this column will be an encouragement to you. Click here to visit the He Said-She Said archives.