EDITOR'S NOTEHe Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to He Said-She Said (selected questions will be posted anonymously).

QUESTION: I have three questions about falling in love: Is it okay to ask God for signs to understand if a girl is the right one (see Genesis 24)? How can I understand if a girl is the right one? And what is the right time to say to a girl that I fell in love with her?

HE SAID: It’s always okay to ask God for whatever you seek.  

Jesus told us, “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it” (John 14:14). However, many of our prayers seem to go, “God, help her to like me” or “Lord, help him to notice me,” rather than “Jesus, lead me to the person you desire me to be with.”

Be careful not to “rephrase” your prayers into an appeal—“Lord, I know you would want me to be with her because ...” When you begin to make a case for being with someone, maybe that person really isn’t the “one.”

My most recurring prayer, in regards to relationships or not, is the same thing Solomon wanted when he answered God—“Give me wisdom and knowledge” (2 Chronicles 1:7-10).

With wisdom and knowledge, you will know who the ‘right’ one is.

Many of us know what we want in a significant other, but over time those desires are often lost or abandoned in the heat of emotion. Determine and recognize what those “non-negotiable” values and attributes are, take your time in discerning if that person has those characteristics, and use your wisdom to conclude if they meet God’s desires for you.

Don’t ever think a person, or be thought of, as “good enough.”

“Love” should only be used when you mean it.

Everyone has a different significance and connotation of what “love” means as well as the timing and situation it should be used.

“I love you” is sometimes used flippantly to mean, “I love this ‘thing’ we have,” “I love how you look” or “I love how you make me feel”—all of which can and often will change over time and may be a reason why many seem to “fall in” and “fall out of” love so quickly.

I have chosen for myself to use those words very sparingly and would only consider it when I am fully committed to furthering a serious relationship, and with select “friends” who I am committed to support, stand by and are family to me.


SHE SAID: In short, my three answers are: Yes. Watch and pray. And when God says so.

Now, those really are my answers. But let’s unpack your questions a bit, because you know I do have a word count to fulfill in my portion of every “He Said-She Said” column. So let’s get to it!