Should I Marry Without Romance and Attraction?
- Thursday, July 11, 2013
EDITOR'S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: After my share of bad relationships, I re-dedicated my life to the Lord and I am dating, essentially, the "perfect man." He wants to marry me, he is a believer, and he fits every quality I want in a husband. However, I feel empty inside. He is not physically my type, he looks and dresses in the opposite way from what I find attractive, I don't find him handsome, and can't feel attraction for him the way I have felt in previous relationships. My friends say I'm crazy for doubting our relationship. I know that "romance" and "physical attraction" are not in the dictionary of God's word, but I get scared and panic sometimes when I think about marrying without any attraction or romance. What keeps me going is God's promise that my marriage will be favored and blessed and "every other thing will be added." But that doesn't close up the hollow feeling or give me peace. Please advise.
We’ve been groomed by society to look for the “Perfect Man” or the “Perfect Woman.” Reality shows portray groups of contestants vying for the heart of one person believing they are the “perfect person.”
However, what I have found far more important is to seek the perfect person for me and being the perfect person for someone (not everyone).
I do believe there is a person who God made for you, someone who will complement who you are, and someone you will be attracted to.
“Romance” and “physical attraction” may not be in "the dictionary of God’s Word," however, the book Song of Solomon is. If you’ve never studied it, you may want to before you further your relationship.
How handsome you are, my lover! (Song of Solomon 1:16)
My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag (Song of Solomon 2:9).
My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is like gold, pure gold; his locks are like clusters of dates and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves beside streams of water, bathed in milk, and reposed in their setting. His cheeks are like a bed of balsam, banks of sweet-scented herbs; his lips are lilies dripping with liquid myrrh. His hands are rods of gold Set with beryl; his abdomen is carved ivory Inlaid with sapphires. His legs are pillars of alabaster Set on pedestals of pure gold; his appearance is like Lebanon choice as the cedars. His mouth is full of sweetness. And he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem (Song of Solomon 5:10-16).
These are not the words from someone who felt no romance or physical attraction, but these are the words of God from a woman who was seriously enamored by her beau.
As a male (with a slight ego), I don’t want my significant other to settle for or gag at the sight of me; then again I’m not trying to be on People Magazine’s Most Beautiful List either. My wish is for the “right one for me” to feel some of the emotion the woman in Song of Solomon had for her man and me for her.
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