Should Parents Encourage Adult Children to Date?
- Thursday, April 12, 2012
EDITOR'S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to He Said-She Said (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: How do I encourage my twenty-something single kids to date without it seeming like I am just eager for the grandchildren to get here (which I am!)? I want them to find God's choice for them, but they can get so busy in their careers that they don't have time to look around. Without meddling, I want them to have the blessing of a companion and lifetime love that I have had with their dad.
HE SAID: Having been in the crosshairs of a well-meaning “wanna-be” grandmother for many years, I truly understand the “enthusiastic eagerness” you are feeling.
I assume you have already expressed the desires you have to your children and have probably received the proverbial, “Mommmm!” in conjunction with the rolling of their eyes followed by an immediate change of subject or disappearance altogether.
“Life is short.” “You’re not getting any younger.” “Time is slipping away.” Sound familiar?
Your children are intelligent enough to understand the “reality” of time versus age and I’m sure they know (by now) how much it would mean for you to have grandchildren; however, you may first want to consider your blessings.
- You have twenty-something children who have careers, rather than unemployed borders.
- They are responsible to not have “messed around,” and provide you with grandchildren you may never get to see or have to take care of (i.e. unwed pregnancy).
- They may truly be seeking “God’s choice,” rather than simply getting married to be married.
As difficult as it may be for you to have to wait for grandchildren, let me remind you of a couple of things.
Your children probably do want to be married, have kids and live a “lifetime of love” since you and your husband have set a great example for them to follow. They may even be more selective of a future mate because of it.
Being single today is difficult. While many are just seeking a spouse, others are looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right for Them, which can be a long, tedious and prayerful process often accompanied with lonely days and nights in an attempt to not become a divorce statistic.
What doesn’t help is a loving, well-meaning friend or relative reminding them on every occasion what their “status” is from a self-interest point of view.
Do not make your children angry, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
You have done the latter, be careful not to tread on the former.
SHE SAID: You don’t indicate if you have verbalized this desire to your children yet . . . that you are wanting them to date so that grandchildren will be brought into this world sooner rather than later.
If you already have, I wonder how they feel about it or if they feel pressure to please you and make things happen in their life with your wishes and timetable in mind instead of God's.
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