Taking a Risk and Asking Someone Out
- Thursday, February 23, 2012
EDITOR'S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to He Said-She Said (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: There’s a woman I’ve been friends with for a while now at my church, and I’d like to ask her out. I’m worried though that she’ll say “no” and then it will be awkward when we see each other at church after that. Any advice?
HE SAID: I used to have those exact same feelings about asking someone out until I discovered two words of encouragement . . . So what?!
I have come to learn life is too short to not do what you really want and to worry about what others will think. You will have regret over the former, and you can’t do anything about the latter.
Maybe we can gain some insight from how Jesus handled situations.
Before overturning the moneychangers' tables, I wonder if he considered the awkwardness it would cause on return visits to the temple (Matt. 21:12).
Prior to asking the Samaritan woman for water at the well, I wonder if he thought how uncomfortable it may be to see her again if she said “no” (John 4:7).
In advance of telling the rich ruler what he must do to inherit eternal life, I wonder if he worried about how strange it may be to cross paths with him again (Luke 18:18).
Of course I’m being somewhat facetious, but let’s consider the ramifications of you asking this woman out.
She could say “yes,” which will start a whole new (good nervous) “awkwardness” between you. She could say “no” (I’m not interested), but reflect, “Wow, he thought of me in that way and had the courage to ask me out.” Or she could say “no,” and think I can’t believe he would ask me out! In which case you should at least feel relieved to know rather than continue “wondering” down that road.
Here’s a question for you, “What would be worse—being rejected or finding out later she had wanted to go out with you all along, but you never asked?”
Most of us have the tendency to worry about things that never happen, so if you are interested and want to go out with her, ask her.
SHE SAID: Carpe diem! That’s what I say with as much zest and gusto as possible via written word.
Why not ask someone out? If you knew that today was the last day you had to live, wouldn’t you live differently? Wouldn't you (as responsibly as possible, of course) throw caution to the wind? I think I would . . . at least I hope so.
If you’ve been observing and getting to know this woman and feel comfortable with who she is and are pleased with what you’ve discovered about her character and are ready to make a move, then what is standing in your way? Women aren’t getting any younger, and men aren’t either for that matter.
We’ve all faced rejection before. Some of us didn’t get picked for the kick-ball team in grade school. Others weren’t voted “class favorite” in high school. Many didn’t get the particular jobs they wanted that they felt sure they were perfectly qualified for. And most of us who are still single have not been chosen or have been declined when it comes to being asked out or asking someone out. Rejection is always a risk, and the resulting “sting” is just a part of life (you will either learn from it and grow [which I highly reommend!] or wallow in self-pity and become best friends with bitterness . . . the choice is yours).
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