I have been in the position of the young woman. I was once in a situation where a godly young man wanted to pursue me, and he was a close friend, but I knew I would never be able to love him as a wife should love her husband. He graciously accepted this and put me back into the “just friends” section of his mind…and he is now engaged to marry a beautiful young woman he met in college!

“[The LORD] holds success in store for the upright,
he is a shield
 to those whose walk is blameless, 
for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones.”
Proverbs 2:7

Unrequited love is very hard. But “man is a giddy thing” as Shakespeare noted– and our feelings change.

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”Jeremiah 17:9

From a lady’s (probably biased) perspective, I think the most respectful thing to do would be to respect her disinterest, continue to value and treasure her friendship, and don’t close your mind off to other possible relationships. It is possible she may change her mind! But I would not encourage you to relentlessly woo her at the cost of your friendship and partnership in ministry.

 HE is … cliff young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.

SHE is …  Debbie Wright, Assistant Editor for Family Content at Crosswalk. She lives in Glen Allen, Virginia and is an avid writer, reader, and participant in local community theatre.

DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the twenty-first century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately (we think they sound eerily similar sometimes, too!). 

GOT A QUESTION? If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to he said-she said (selected questions will be posted anonymously). While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that this column will be an encouragement to you. Click here to visit the he said-she said archives.

Publication date: July 12, 2012