“Abba, Father,” he said, “Everything is possible for you.  Take this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will.”  Mark 14:36

Have you reached that point of totally trusting in the Lord?  Have you fully accepted whatever His will is for your life or are you still wrestling with Him?  Have you asked Him to take your cup from you?

When we have truly reached that place in our life where we have accepted His desires, with patience, we may be able to better understand Psalm 37 and honestly say, “not what I will, but what you will.”


All of us experience tension with God about this subject at some point or another. For many of us it’s a constant struggle. Like you, many wonder why they haven’t found a mate when they desire one so badly. Many women desire nothing more than a child, but they are unable to conceive. The list is endless. 

You have made a conscious effort to care for your family in lieu of prioritizing meeting other singles or raising up biological children. I want to emphasize how much your servant’s heart is cherished by God. 1 Timothy 1:8 says “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” You have truly lived out the Christian faith in the most tangible, self-sacrificing manner possible.

It would be easy, trite and (I think) untrue for me to tell you: “Keep waiting!” or “God will reward your sacrifices!” I cannot in good conscience do that. Many people never marry. Many people marry much later than they anticipated, for a myriad of reasons. The truth is that God never promises us that we will get everything we desire. What he does say, and what you have mentioned that Psalms 37:4 says, is

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” (emphasis mine).

You see, if the Lord is our delight, he will be the desire of our hearts. Everything else will just be extra.

God is always there for us. God is always reaching out to us, desiring us, wooing us. He is always trying to get us to be satisfied in him. Because life is a series of trials and disappointments. Satisfaction is not really a place we can get to. But if we delight ourselves in him, he can fill that void, regardless of whether the rest of our lives line up with our ambitions.

HE is … cliff young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.

SHE is …  debbie wright, Assistant Editor for Family Content at Crosswalk. She lives in Glen Allen, Virginia and is an avid writer, reader, and participant in local community theatre.

DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the twenty-first century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately (we think they sound eerily similar sometimes, too!). 

GOT A QUESTION? If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to he said-she said (selected questions will be posted anonymously). While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that this column will be an encouragement to you. Click here to visit the He Said-She Said archives.

Publication date: September 13, 2012