Where the Singles Are

Let's examine the pros and cons of the most common ways to meet singles. Keep in mind, however, that no one proven way exists to find a good person to date. The key is to use all of the options at your disposal.

1.  The Church

The local church is an excellent place to meet attractive, mature, Christian singles. It is one of the few locations where singles with possibly the same beliefs and interests as yours regularly gather. Essentially, all you have to do is show up, become involved, and get to know people. A large church can be especially helpful if it has a singles ministry. If you attend a church that doesn’t have a singles group, ask whether it has other activities, such as singles Bible studies, monthly socials, or retreats.

The large size of some church congregations might seem intimidating. Therefore, you may feel inclined to visit just the worship service and then go home. However, you limit your opportunity to meet singles if you take such a narrow approach. The best way to break into a large singles group is to get involved in their activities. Most churches have sports teams, music programs, or mission trips that offer great ways to meet new people. Find somewhere to serve short-term so that you can get exposure to people. Offer to volunteer for something that interests you, such as teaching, organizing parties, working with youth, or opening your home for Bible studies. By participating, you get to serve the church body with your time as well as improve your chances of meeting other singles.

If the singles group at your present church becomes stagnant, visit another church. You can do this without withdrawing from your current church. Simply find a friend to join you one or two Sundays a month to investigate other churches in your area. You could also visit another church during its Sunday evening or weeknight services. This allows you to stay involved at your home church while broadening your association with other Christians.

Meeting singles at a church can be fruitful, but remember this caution:  Church congregations are comprised of people at various maturity levels. Church attendance does not prove that a person is a Christian. Furthermore, professing to be a Christian does not guarantee relational maturity or a willingness to love sacrificially.

The church is not a dating haven. Many singles with bad intentions purposely hide out in Christian groups to take advantage of the unsuspecting (Romans 16:17-18). They usually target young singles who are unaware of their schemes. Stalking and date rape have occurred within many church groups. Keep your judgment sharp, and do not trust someone until you have determined his or her character.

Regardless of the bad apples, the church is still one of the best places to meet healthy singles who are passionate about sharing the love of Christ. Take advantage of the available fellowship to benefit yourself as well as those you meet.

2. Recommendations From Friends and Family

Friends and family can be another good source to help you find mature singles. However, they cannot recommend attractive candidates unless you specifically tell them what type of person you desire to date. Give them more information than “I want to date someone cute.” Honestly define what you desire regarding such characteristics as outward appearances, interests, education level, and spiritual background. As we discussed in the previous chapter, you do not want to settle for just anybody. You want to find someone who completely captivates your heart.

Also, be open to alternate suggestions from family and friends. Consider their recommendations if they can clearly explain why their candidate is worth meeting. On the other hand, be wary of well-meaning relatives who simply want to get you married. If they lack discretion, they may waste your time by setting you up with anyone who comes to mind. Thank them kindly and say no.