One of the fun things I get to do each year is attend a convention called CBA, where a bunch of Christian authors, bookstore owners, and journalistic types gather to learn about the latest releases. This summer, I had the pleasure of meeting Kathleen Hardaway, a bright and funny woman who happens to be single. Her book, I Kissed a Lot of Frogs But the Prince Hasn’t Come, is one of the most insightful I have read lately. Check out our conversation.

 

Janet:  Two conflicting messages I hear all the time are, “Wait on God and He’ll bring the man to you” and “You need to go looking, or even move to a new city where the men are.” What is your take on waiting versus actively pursuing?

 

Kathleen:  Everybody’s different. People try to put God in a mold, you know? “If you do this and you do this, it equals a man. One plus one equals two.” That is not how God necessarily works.

 

Janet:  Another formula I hear frequently is: “As soon as you surrender your desire to marry, then the man will come.”

 

Kathleen:  Right. I surrendered 20 years ago. Hasn’t happened for me yet. Now for some person, God may say, “I’m waiting for you to surrender” and then He does bring a mate. But that doesn’t mean He’ll do that in your life. I get that in radio interviews – I’ve had people say, “I waited until I was 40, or I waited until this, and I just know it will happen for you then.” They don’t know what God’s going to do in my life. And yet they’re just trying to be encouraging.

 

God works differently for each person, although He’s not going to work outside of His Word. For some He may say, “I need you to go to a singles group in a church.” Or, like with me, for years I was at a church that had about two men in the entire congregation. I felt He wanted me to serve there and that’s where He wanted me. Interestingly enough, I feel I’m ready for a change and I desire more. But I’m only going to move if that’s what the Lord wants from me.

 

Janet:  It’s kind of funny that you just used the word “desire.” Another thing I hear all the time is: “If it’s the desire of your heart to be married, God will grant that desire.” What do you think?

 

Kathleen:  That is a number one question! “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” You know what I started doing? I started praying a number of years ago for Him to change my desire. And He has, but that doesn’t mean you don’t go through a certain season. Since Christmas last year, I was doing great, and things have been wonderful. Then, all of a sudden, I saw my niece and my nephew. They’re getting married and it’s hard to fight that I’m the old maid aunt. I don’t think they necessarily view me that way, but that was how I was feeling.  A friend of mind said, “That’s one day in a lifetime of events; one event in a lifetime of events.” And it was. It was difficult, but it’s over. I’m happy today, you know?  There are seasons.