Here are some examples of things your PM might ask you to submit to:

  • Stop telling “little white lies.”
  • Keep your mouth shut when you really want to give someone a piece of your mind.
  • Call someone with whom you are estranged and be the one to restart communication.
  • Attend a midweek Bible study, even though you are a faithful Sunday church attendee and are tired after work.
  • Get involved in church activities and submit to someone (who you might not feel is as smart as you are).
  • Quit watching a certain television show or attending a particular social gathering, even though it may not be explicitly immoral.

Marriage provides you with a constant traveling mirror and a person to hold it up (sometimes when we least want to see ourselves). The marriage union presents a controlled environment in which God can use your mate to help you develop character. But a mate cannot, should not, and will never be your savior — only God can play this role in your life effectively. People with savior complexes get tired because they are operating in their own limited strength. Your PM is all-powerful and never tires. Submit to Him now so that you can enter into marriage whole. (If you need the Savior, turn to the Lordship Prayer on page 69.)

If we don’t submit to the work of our PM, our inner portrait will remain marred, and we will subconsciously attract the type of person our damaged self-portrait says we deserve. (Sadly, this is not even the real you; it’s just the you that you refused to submit for cleaning.) Don’t let this happen. It takes years to recover from the pain of a broken marriage, and you don’t have that kind of time, right? Right!

When you allow your PM to guide you, your life will become characterized by the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.Phil4:7 You will experience a freedom from any anxiety you may have had. (Although the issue that was a catalyst for the anxiety may not change immediately or at all, you will change). God’s peace surpasses any sight, sense, or circumstance you are facing — it goes beyond our natural understanding. Armed with this deep-down peace, you can trust God about your future, even when the clock is ticking and no one you like is giving you the time of day…yet.

Kill the “Maybe I’s”

Perhaps as you read this you’re thinking:

  • Maybe I just don’t have the time for this process; I need to cut
    to the chase.
  • Maybe I am not good enough to have a relationship with God.
  • Maybe I won’t hear anything from God.
  • Maybe I am not doing it right.
  • Maybe I deserve the mess I’m in anyway.

If any of these thoughts resonate with you, we urge you to kill them right now. First of all, God is never in a mad rush. He wants things done right, for our own benefit. He will show you that you do have the time. In fact, you don’t have time not to have the time with Him! Satan always drives from behind and is always negative and condemning. God always draws from the front and is always positive and encouraging, even when He chastises.

You will never regret the time you spend getting to know your PM. He will be your Friend and Relationship Counselor for life.


From "His Rules:  God's Practical Road Map for Becoming and Attracting Mr. or Mrs. Right."  Copyright © 2005 by Christopher Burge and Pamela Toussaint.  Used by permission of WaterBrook Press, Colorado Springs, Colo.  All rights reserved. 

Christopher L. Burge leads Chris Burge Ministries, Inc., and has facilitated a dynamic young adult Bible study in New York City for the past twelve years.  After stellar academic and athletic performances at Brown University, Christ went on to enjoy a successful career on Wall Street before he heard the call to ministry.  He is a graduate of Rhema Bible Training Center, where he received three years of biblical and pastoral instruction.  Chris administers "tough love and straight talk" to singles young and old, imbuing biblical principles with twenty-first century pizzazz, which has become his trademark.

Pamela Toussaint is the acclaimed coauthor of such books as "Mama's Little Baby", "Boys into Men", and "I Call You Friend."  A popular speaker, she began her career as a magazine editor and has published articles in various Christian and secular magazine.  She has also made numerous television appearances and was featured in a one-hour ABC/Lifetime television special.  Pamela is a graduate of New York City's Fordham University, where she earned a Bachelor of Arts in communications.