Preparing Yourself for Dating Season
- Thursday, March 02, 2006
Now that “dating season” is just around the corner (my college roommates and I always seemed to think that the middle of the school year was always better for dating), my thoughts go to "why I am dating" and "what kind of person I'd like to date."
Contrary to popular belief, I’ve found (in my very non-scientific research of friends and relatives and "Dr Phil" shows) that people date for different purposes. Yes, dating is a “dance ritual” that singles do to find a mate, but sometimes it’s done subconsciously to satisfy a deeper longing for something else.
Without writing a whole book on the subject, I think it's safe to say that some people date to find a mate, while others date to curb loneliness or the fear of being alone. Some date to feel needed and wanted, and others to share their life through companionship and family.
Whatever the reason is and whenever you feel ready, at some point, we all need to address the question “what kind of person should I date?” I’ve had the privilege of being around many loving and successful relationships. I’ve watched how couples have interacted; I’ve seen qualities that I’ve admired; I’ve seen the things that worked and even a couple of things that didn’t.
From those observations, I’ve compiled my list of the 57 qualities that I’m now looking for in a person (and relationship), and then have compared them to my list of 18 personal qualities. And I’ve found a deficiency or imbalance in my “relational equilibrium.” In my defense, though, I’ve noticed that a lot of singles have the same imbalance, too.
In situations like this, I look to the Bible for examples of relationships in order to gain balance in my mind.
- Adam was created, and Eve was born from his rib.
- After he had killed a man and fled Egypt, Moses was given Zipporah, by her father.
- Joseph was given Asenath by Pharoah.
- David summoned for Bathsheba, committed adultery with her and had her husband killed before taking her as his wife.
- Boaz met Ruth in his fields while she was picking up leftover sheaves of wheat.
- Paul stayed single his entire life.
That’s quite a list of role models! Nevertheless, in my slightly skewed wisdom, I can still pull some qualities from these men that are applicable to my life:
- None of them was perfect
- None of them was necessarily seeking a relationship
- None of them could have foreseen and planned the situation
- All of them stayed with their wives, and were men of God
From this, I realize that I don’t need to worry as much about the "when I will date" and the "where I will meet my future wife." While pondering over the 57 qualities, a revelation came over me. It’s not so much the qualities that I’m looking for, but rather what qualities (or preferences) I’m willing to overlook.
A person must, in his own heart and mind alone, come to grips that no one or no relationship will ever have every one of those qualities that he's looking for no matter how few are desired, and no matter how perfect the other person may seem. Each person must decide whether he is willing to accept that certain qualities or shortcomings of the other person don't and won’t matter, until death do they part, or else move on.
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