When the baby comes, keep in mind that it’s an exhausting experience to have an infant. You will no longer be a primary relationship, which is only right. BUT … that doesn’t mean you are no longer valued as a friend. You just have to step back a bit to make room for this addition. And you have to recognize that your friendship may wane a bit as your friend masters motherhood. That doesn’t mean you are not needed.

I had a good friend who seemed to have slipped through the black hole of marriage and motherhood, never to be seen again. What I didn’t know was during that time, she was barely holding on. She had a toddler actively exploring his boundaries and an infant with chronic colic – as in a year filled with daily bouts of crying and fussing. If she was able to get a shower, it was a good day. Much to my shame, I interpreted her silence as a waning interest in our friendship. Only later did I find out how much she was struggling during that time – and I’ve regretted that lapse in our friendship ever since.

Finally, when you are tempted to self-pity or sinful comparisons (most of us are at some point!), remember that marriage and family are the frontlines of spiritual warfare today. Our culture and our spiritual Enemy are warring against God’s standards in these areas. The efforts that you make to be a blessing to this couple and their children are actually very important in this battle. The church is not a facility; the church is a network of relationships built by those who have been purchased by Christ’s own redemption.

So when you babysit for a couple on a date night, you are not just a warm body keeping an eye on a sleeping infant. You are investing your time in the strength and viability of a marriage. As the strength of marriages and families go, so goes the strength of the local church and the credibility of the gospel. It is no small thing to invest in other people’s families. It is a form of spiritual warfare and an investment in an institution under attack.

Recommended Resources:


Carolyn McCulley works for  Sovereign Grace Ministries in church and ministry relations.  She is also an author ( "Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred") and blogger (solofemininity.blogs.com).  Carolyn is also a member of Covenant Life Church where one of her favorite ministries is the single women's discipleship program.  She highly recommends the resources for singles from the New Attitude conference and blog.

Your questions answered!  Carolyn will periodically answer Crosswalk.com reader questions in her Singles Q&A columns.  While we can't guarantee that each question will be answered, we do hope to hear from you!  Please send your questions regarding singleness and related topics to Carolyn at
 info@carolynmcculley.com