Singles Q&A: How Do You Catch His Attention?
- Wednesday, August 01, 2007
“SMILE! Your joy and satisfaction is not found in another person but resides only in the Lord,” writes a man named Tim. “Trust me when I say that the guy loves to see a woman smile. This does not mean you should wink at him or laugh at all his corny jokes, but let him see your joy in the Lord.”
4. Pray Before, During, and After You Crack Twigs: Proverbs 30:19 says that the way of a man with a maiden is amazing and wonderful, something too profound to be easily understood. So if Scripture says this is a mystery, why should we expect that some formula or method in the latest singles self-help book is going to solve it? When you think about it, it is amazing that two sinners can be drawn to each other (at the same time!) and then make a pledge to stick it out for the rest of their lives. Frankly, the longer I observe the mystery of marriage, the more I am in awe of God’s sovereign ability to bring two people together. So pray for the gift of marriage for yourself and your friends, pray for the single men you know to find a wife, pray for your pastors and your church to help single adults get married, pray that God will conform you as a fruitful helpmate to your future husband, pray for a humble man who listens for God’s voice—and then pray that God speaks your name to him.
5. Encourage the Hunters: It’s hard to be a godly man in a culture that promotes pornography, violence, and self-centered passivity in men. Give some props to the brothers who endeavor to flee sin and temptation to follow Christ. Even without that outside influence, men have to work hard to trust God and risk rejection when they initiate relationships. So be gracious when you’re approached—this man may not be the hunter you wanted to attract, but don’t shoot him down so hard that he flees the woods. Even if you say no, be kind about it and make it easy for him to keep on hunting. In fact, encourage all the nearby hunters. If you see them selflessly serving others, speak up and thank them. If you see them stepping up to lead a group activity (akin to herding cats at times), voice your appreciation. If they serve you by getting rid of some pesky varmints in your neck of the woods, make sure they hear your “well done.” Your general reputation as an encouraging woman may well draw a hunter from the far side of the forest.
6. Refresh the Hunters: Be a hospitable woman. Cultivate your domestic diva and make your “nest” a place that hunters want to be. You don’t have to have a huge house or even your own house. Just make the place you reside a clean, comfortable and attractive place and then invite others in.
“Create group fellowship opportunities,” says a single man named Ricky. “You can both practice hospitality and get to know people better by inviting people over for a meal, or ice cream, or to watch a movie. Don’t feel bad about including ‘certain people’ when appropriate. And build the friendship—don’t throw yourself at him, but it’s okay to ask him good questions and follow up on previous conversations. Let him know that having a conversation with him isn’t horrible and laborious and you wouldn’t mind having another one.”
7. Be in Proximity to the Hunters But Don’t Scare Them Off: This one requires some finesse—you need your friends and family to help you evaluate how you are doing. Your accountability partners can help you discern your motives and behavior, and will keep you from swinging too far in either extreme—avoiding both aggressive pursuit and fearful hiding. But as a general rule, rustling and crackling are subtle activities. Thus it’s helpful to be within hearing range of the hunters.
“It’s okay to be noticed and approached. It doesn’t mean that you’re flirtatious; it might just mean that your biblical femininity is showing,” writes a single man named Jon. “Live for God and don’t be shocked if a guy or two notices you. That said, there are ladies who are overly friendly and try to make their interest known. Some guys eat up the attention and jump right in, other guys find this extremely unappealing. These ladies aren’t rustling leaves but rather letting out the loudest deer calls they can. Their dress, appearance or social prowess is what primarily brings attention, not their godly lives and biblical femininity. For these ladies, I would encourage them to also not be afraid and to trust God that the right guy will notice them. You may find that more men of godly character come out from the bushes when you become less intimidating.”
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