8. Follow the Leader: Every herd has a leader. Can the hunters tell if you are a good follower in that herd? A woman who is supporting and submitting to the leaders and authorities currently in her life is demonstrating she possesses wifely wisdom. And men do notice how women respect—and speak of—their pastors, bosses, and parents.

“Do you submit to your father’s leadership or are you constantly dishonoring him?” asks Tim. “Do you appreciate what your mom has to offer and teach you about being a woman? Even if your parents aren’t Christians, you are still called to honor them, and God can still use them in a powerful way to speak into your life.”

Finally, if you find that you’re still a bit lost in the woods, here’s a testimony from a man who married his wife after she spent a few years patiently and joyfully “cracking twigs and stirring leaves.” I think the reflections of my friend, Rob McMillen, will be encouraging to many women:

From the time I graduated high school until the time I asked my wife into a courtship when I was 37 (20 years!), I was faithfully praying to God for a wife and pursuing the women that God had placed in my life. Now some may say that I was deaf and blind because in 20 years I should have heard some “cracking and rustling,” but God had Kelly planned for me and I did not meet her until I was 34. It was not that she was a better rustler than all of the other women I knew or more godly, but she was God’s sovereign choice for me. My wife is a great example of a woman who “cracked twigs.” Here are some of the things that she did:

  • She prayed for a husband in general, she prayed for me to find a wife (even if it was not her!), and she prayed that God would open a way for us to be husband and wife.
  • She positioned herself to be in the same places I was, but naturally. Places like our small group, church, group outings, etc.
  • Whenever we spoke, she listened and responded to whatever the topic was with a genuine interest, even though the topic may not have been her “thing.”
  • She was an encourager. I can think back to time after time where she expressed an appreciation for how I or another guy led in some small way. It really gave me a sense that she respected leadership even by a sinner like me.
  • She and her roommate had people over for dinners, movies, and other events. They practiced biblical hospitality and gained skills in tasks that would be a part of married life.
  • She was generally warm, friendly, and open. She smiled. She asked for prayer when she was struggling and genuinely asked others how she could pray for them.

I think the key thing that I would say is that she responded this way to most, if not all, of the men she interacted with because it is a picture of a godly woman. What made it different in my case is that she positioned herself to do these more in my presence than with any other man and God opened the door to our hearts.

I trust these insights will be received as intended—with much encouragement for the Christian single women of this generation who live as salt and light in an era of great relationship confusion. We serve the Lord of the hunting grounds. May we “crack, stir, and rustle” for His glory, trusting that He will provide all that we need!


Carolyn McCulley works for  Sovereign Grace Ministries in church and ministry relations.  She is also an author ( Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred) and blogger (solofemininity.blogs.com).  Carolyn is also a member of Covenant Life Church where one of her favorite ministries is the single women's discipleship program.  She highly recommends the resources for singles from the New Attitude conference and blog.

Your questions answered!  Carolyn will periodically answer Crosswalk.com reader questions in her Singles Q&A columns.  To be considered, please send your questions regarding singleness and related topics to Carolyn at carolyn@carolynmcculley.com