St. James Finds Out What Is He Thinking??
- Monday, September 26, 2011
Have you shown those letters to Jacob now that you’re married or will you just keep them to yourself?
Absolutely! I’ve shown them to him. I brought them on the honeymoon. I just wished I had written a lot more. He couldn’t believe how few I’d written. I’m sure there are journals that I have somewhere where I’ve written letters to him that I’ll find in future years, but actual like letters to my future husband . . . there were very few of them. So I just encourage girls to write, write, write and share details about what’s going on in your life and what you’re thinking about your future mate. It’s so fun to do that, but I just wish I’d done it more.
What did it mean to Jacob when he saw what you had written or what you were thinking or feeling at any given time while you were still single and desiring to find your mate?
Well, it was actually surprising. It was very, very powerful and very beautiful for me to present these to him, because they were parts of my heart at different stages of my journey. Most of them I wrote kind of in my early to mid-twenties. But I wish I had written more things about what was going on in my life at the time instead of just . . . lots of them honestly were made up of “I miss you, I don’t know how long it’s going to be ‘til I meet you, I’m sad being lonely.” And so it kind of made him a bit sad actually like that like to just feel like for so long I was lonely for him. So he was thrilled that I had written them for him, but I wish now looking back I just shared more of the highs and the lows about being single, ‘cause I think I would just write them to him when I was feeling especially romantic or like sad that he wasn’t in my life and hoping for that romance. So he was so thrilled and touched that I had written them over those years. And yeah, I just have a little bit of different insight on it now.
In What Is He Thinking??, you talk about some dating advice that your mom gave to you . . . something like date the person until you know you’re not going to marry them. Why do you think that is so important?
That honestly was probably the best dating advice I’ve ever been given. I used that piece of advice over and over and over again. It really encouraged me because sometimes you almost just want to not even try . . . like this is just disappointing. But she just said, “You know, if you meet somebody who’s interesting who loves God who you’re drawn to, give it a go.” Go down that path until you know why they’re not the one for you, and it really helped me to date and to be single with almost a clear conscience that I had done everything in my power that I knew to do. I think often actually we do envy guys with their ability to see you and kind of like be the instigator. We as women can feel powerless. "I’ve just got to wait and sit around until somebody pursues me." And it just feels very de-powering and discouraging. But if I feel like I’ve put myself in situations where I can meet other single people and I have given each guy that possibility of being the one for me, given that relationship a chance to blossom, then I can be single without any guilt that I shut down “the one.” Without any regrets. And that’s a big life motto for me: I want to live my life without regret. And so that really helped me too, for the most part, to do that.
If you could go back in time and give “single Rebecca” a life note or some advice, what would you say to her?
Probably, apart from the things we’ve talked about, probably the overriding theme was “Relax, enjoy the journey.” And I think for me, I’m the kind of person, if I have it in my mind to do something I’ll go do it. And it feels crippling at times to be single and not want to be and not feel like you can do much about it. But I just felt these guys [in the book] just say, “Look, when you’re out on a date just relax and enjoy the journey and just be present in that . . . don’t be in the future wondering where this is going to go . . . don’t be in the past thinking I’m going to be like every other guy. Just relax and enjoy it.” And I think what that comes down to honestly is trusting God that he’s going to take care of me. He’s going to protect my heart if I’m placing my heart in his hands. It’s all going to be good. So that’s what I wish. I wish in the journey I just kind of relaxed a bit more and just kind of enjoyed that season a bit more instead of stressing about will it happen. And I think that’s natural in dating. It is natural, but that would be my biggest advice. And also more than ever and now on this side of the fence I believe that if God puts it in your heart that vision, that dream to be married, that calling, that sense of calling, it’s there for a purpose. And it might take longer than what you’d like it to, but it’s there for a purpose. And so it’s just trusting the heart of God that he’s going to take care of us.
After this book has its life, can you foresee a What Is She Thinking?? type of follow-up book?
Yeah, we’ve actually already starting talking about that. And it’s interesting, you know, I don’t know if you’ve read Wild at Heart . . . but I ended up reading it just to help me understand guys a bit better, and I really think some guys are going to read What Is He Thinking??. I had my keyboard player who’s single read it, and he kind of had some major epiphanies just reading between the lines what girls are thinking, some of the dialogue, and even like kind of changed his approach in a way. I mean he was really challenged to let there be mystery, like it’s not playing the game in the negative way. It’s actually letting there be mystery and letting things unfold over time. And that had come up in the book quite a lot, and it really challenged him and so he has kind of made some adjustments and letting there be a bit more mystery in his relationships and already things are improving. You know I think there are things also for guys in this book that will be helpful, but he and other people have said to me, “Man, we would really love a What Is She Thinking?? . . . that would really help us out." So we’re talking about it already, that’s for sure.
And what about a What Were We Thinking?? book? That could apply to marriage or maybe to having kids one day.
Yeah, even like you know being married looking back at it. And I mean we’ve got that kind of perspective a little bit [in the book] with me interviewing the married guys. So there’s a little bit of that “what were we thinking,” like we learned the hard way and that we’d like to do it a little bit differently in dating if we had our time again. That’s what I liked about that segment of the book. It had things that they were happy about that they did in dating and things that they would change. And so I thought that there was some really good advice in that part of the book.
Rebecca St. James is currently headlining the “Purity & Worship Tour.” For more information about Rebecca St. James, What Is He Thinking??, her latest album release, I Will Praise You, or “Purity & Worship Tour” dates, please visit her official Web site here.
Recently on Singles
Have something to say about this article? Leave your comment via Facebook below!
Listen to Your Favorite Pastors
Add Crosswalk.com content to your siteBrowse available content