Still, you may have done everything right and there is NO EASY ANSWER as to why you are still single. In the end this kind of thinking is shortsighted and worldly. It flows from our insatiable desire for control. Deep down what we desire is to be able to control our circumstances. Our minds reel at the idea that finding a husband or wife lies in the realm of God’s providence and grace and not simply under our machinations.

I am not attempting to remove human effort or “free will.” It is the American Ideal of choice that compels us to press for our role in the process over and above the role of providence. We must work and toil, plant and water, but the fruit—the fruit belongs to the Lord (1 Corinthians 3:6, Philippians 2:13). This means that our value is in Christ and not a functional part of the dating process and not subject to review because we are still single.

Think of it this way: if our minds cannot separate our worth from our performance then we have confessed Christ by grace but live by works. If finding a husband or wife is on the basis of merit then we who linger at the edge of marital bliss are truly worthless. But it is not so, and this kind of thinking can lead to the deepest and most desperate of questions, “What’s wrong with me?”

This is not the end of the road but it is close. It is here that we must turn and rest our heads on His bosom and listen closely as He recounts His love for us. It is at this very point that we must refuse the cup of self-pity and instead drink of His word—the truth.

  • We are more than our relational value.
  • We are more than our relational currency.
  • We are more than our marital status and even more than our marital stock.

Our value is greater than our relational failures and cannot be measured by what has not come our way. If tomorrow we are married, we do not become better. So today, here, we are not worse or less valuable. Indeed, He died for us and thus—single or married—we are priceless. This is the truth we must live by—the truth we must date by.



Hudson Russell Davis was born on a small Island in the West Indies called Dominica, and this is only one reason he does not like cold weather and loves guava.  He is a graduate of James Madison University with a B.A. in Graphic Design and earned a Masters in Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary.  Currently he is a Ph.D. candidate at Saint Louis University studying historical theology.  Hudson has worked as a graphic artist and worship leader but expresses himself through poetry, prose, photography, and music. His activities are just about anything outdoors, but tennis is his current passion.

Got feedback?  Send your comments and questions to Hudson at hudsondavis@streamsinthewilderness.com.  If you don't hear back within a few days' time, please try again.  Hudson would like to respond to all reader feedback.

Marriage Survey:  Have you "heard from God" that you are definitely going to get married?  If so, I would like to hear your story.  Has God told you t

1) Marry a certain person
2) Not to marry a certain person
3) that you would definitely get married?

Drop me a line HERE and (briefly) describe how you "know" it was God speaking to you or guiding you.