One type of man in this category is usually not sure of himself and lacks the self-confidence.  Insecurity may play a big role which can often stem from upbringing.

A man who may seem to be intimidated by a stronger woman is in reality may just be “turned-off” due to a desire or preference for the “old fashioned” type of girl. Granted, the person that he meets may be that type of girl, but has just had to fend for herself over the years.

No Need Perceived

Some women give off the impression that they are so independent that they don’t need anyone else, especially a husband.  Many times this may not be the case, but a self-assured personality along with a settled lifestyle of having a home, career, and everything in order can make a man feel as if there’s no place for a man in her life.

Many men end up not pursuing women like this not out of intimidation, but rather out of perceived “ultra-independence” on the woman’s part.  According to many single males who I’ve talked with, some women puts out signals, consciously or unconsciously, that they aren’t interested in a relationship.  They are fine the way they are, and they don’t need a man in their life – no matter what they may say.

Many guys have told me how they were very interested in a girl, but she kept on emphasizing her independence and all that she was able to accomplish.  They were left thinking, “Where would I fit in?”

Lessons Learned

For Men:

  • Women want to be pursued, they want to be needed in a relationship and they want to be treated like a lady - chivalry is not gone or outdated (you may want to “Google” the term if you’re unsure of what it means; that would be a good start). 
  • This is the case for many women:  YOU have the task of living up to what their fathers are or were.  It might be a good idea to ask about their dads, meet them if possible and emulate (not fake) some of the traits. 
  • Vulnerability, honesty, transparency, communication are all traits that seem to be key to a successful relationship. 
  • Being friends with females is great, but most guy-girl friendships need to be clarified at some point.  I once heard somewhere that in every guy-girl non-dating relationship, one person or the other at some point wants the relationship to go further than just a friendship.  Think about it, if it’s not you, it’s probably them.

When I was a child, I remember visiting my pediatrician’s office and seeing a poster in his office.  It read, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” 

I never gave it much thought, after all I was a child and as a child you can do just about anything.  But as a man, “I put childish ways behind me.”  Notice that this is a statement.

What I didn’t realize was that it came from 1 Corinthians 13:11.  There are a lot of guys still reasoning like a child.

For Women:

  • Guys want to be the “man” in the relationship (granted some don’t act like it, but in their defense many were never showed this in their home while growing up). 
  • Guys want to be (or at least feel) needed.
  • Guys want their significant other to admire and have confidence in them.  I know that some guys may not deserve it, warrant it, or know what to do with it, but it’s important to a male psyche.  If you get to a point where you can’t do it, ask yourself “why are you in the relationships at all?”
  • Guys need a break sometimes.  It’s not easy to balance what guys should be like in the world and then get a differing interpretation in church.
  • Be sensitive to what the guy is trying to do for you.  To some men, it’s not easy dealing with some women. 

Beware:  a potential relationship may be closer than it may appear.


Cliff Young is a contributing writer to "Sandlot Stories" (ARose Books).  An architect and former youth worker, he now works with Christian musicians and consults for a number of Christian ministries. Got feedback?  Send your comments and questions to CYdmg@yahoo.com.